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"My question is, if there's nothing we can do to stop global warming, then how in the world could we be responsible for it? Simple common sense!"
"There is a cultural problem in the NFL that has resulted in a total lack of class on the part of professional players. I love the game of football, but after every sack players are acting like they've won the Super Bowl; they're prancing around with these idiotic dances."
"Apparently, we had a cell phone call, and the guy calling was going to say I'm classless and obnoxious. Was that the basic point? I love those compliments from the left."
"Have you heard what Schwarzenegger is saying about his plan to raise taxes in California? He's calling it a 'loan.' To call a tax increase a loan, as though it's going to be paid back? To whom and by whom? Something's happened to Arnold, folks. I don't know what it is, but Snerdley is shouting, 'Maria, Maria!'"
"Now Arnold Schwarzenegger is 'open' to the idea of a ban on spanking? Do you realize how many times my dad would have gone to jail if we'd have lived in California? My mother, too!"
"You think that crimes that have never been committed haven't been prosecuted? I'll tell you, they have: Patrick Fitzgerald. There's no crime, but there's a prosecution and there's a trial. Don't kid yourself that it doesn't happen."
"Well, that makes sense: send your kid around with bad hygiene. That's a really good punishment. That's like rubbing your dog's nose in its own poop to house-break it."
"Okay, the spanking bill in California. California could become the first state in the nation to explicitly ban parents from spanking. What's this going to do to San Francisco, where spanking is a way of life?"
"You're going to Washington? You might want to go to Fort Marcy Park -- see if you get out alive. The Lincoln Bedroom would be nice, but unfortunately you need an invitation to get in there during this administration. Wait until the next Democrat president; you can buy your way in for a hundred grand."
"Look, let me put it to you this way: the NFL all too often looks like a game between the Bloods and the Crips without any weapons. There, I said it."