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"Don't be surprised if you see Hillary and Michael Bloomberg on a third-party ticket."
"I have people asking me if I think it's really the end for Hillary. I know it looks bad for her, but until I see the house fall, and those legs curl up underneath the house, and the body in the casket, she is not dead."
"You know what, Mary Ann? I think you really like me. You like me a lot, and you're frustrated by it, and you're fascinated by it at the same time."
"If you're going to run around, Ms. Pelosi, and say that Republicans 'like the war', then can we also assume that Democrats 'like' killing babies? Put that in whatever it is you smoke, Ms. Pelosi, and have fun with it!"
"Dawn's not here today -- she couldn't handle the intensity and had to get out -- so Rachel's here. Rachel's a big global warming buff. You still believe Algore, Rachel? Good. We're making progress."
"I'm in stunned disbelief: I actually was praised on The View today. Something's not right here."
"Fans have never been all that upset with this steroid stuff, really; it's just these sportswriters. And I guarantee you: if some of these little shrimps in the liberal Drive-By Media sports community could make themselves two feet taller tomorrow, they'd do it."
"There's an old soap opera rule (and Mrs. Clinton's a soap opera figure along with her husband): Villains don't die. Villains just don't get written out -- good guys get written out."
"I have to tell you, folks, I have a little schadenfreude here. I really am enjoying the Clintons going through this struggle. I know we're not supposed to talk about appearances, but the face-lift has fallen."
"I'm trying to inspire people to think; I want them to come to their own conclusions, not mine. And when they start thinking, they will conclude as I do."