Tsk, tsk. My friends, once again,you people are not doing your part. According to the Drive-By Media, your Christmas shopping has been lukewarm. You've put retailers in a bind, "despite generous discounts and expanded store hours." They're desperately hoping you'll show up to shop this weekor else the entire season will be a huge bust.
Some of you people allowed the winter weather systems that spread ice, sleet, freezing rain, and snow last weekto keep you indoors. Out West, a whole lot ofpeople are still without power from storms. But that's no excuse!
Everybody's disappointed: brick-and-mortar managers, catalog folks --even online operations. They all complain that you people are doing research this year --hunting for bargains-- waiting till the last second to see if they'll blink and drop their prices even further.
I mean, how unfair can you be? What gives you the right to sit at home-- warm or cold-- and do research? How dare you hold out until the last minute, leaving America's retailers in doubt,waiting anxiously to see if you'll spend your money,forcing them to reach into their bag of tricks and come up with ways to compete for a chance to earn your business?
You know, you shoppers... you'reso concerned with saving a buck; you'reabsolutelyheartless, according to the Drive-Bys.Next thing you know, you're going tobe scrutinizing liberalswho want to raise your taxes -- and they can't have that kind of scrutiny!