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"Conservatism is an intellectual application. Yes, it is. I am the leader of the conservative movement. I know what I'm talking about."
"Here is a liberal Democrat senator from Michigan, Carl Levin, telling the Iraqi government to shape up and become self-sufficient. Wouldn't it be great if liberal Democrats told their own voters the same thing?"
"This is the song that we hope will become the theme for the Democrat convention in Denver this August: 'Street Fighting Man,' by the Rolling Stones. Yeah, baby, violence."
"I think that what the Democrats ought to do is send Madeleine Albright to the Beijing Olympics. Well, she spent a lot of time in North Korea with Kim Jong Il and reportedly loved his stadium show."
"This 'alternatives to oil' thing... this is going to drive me insane! If people would just stop and think for a moment: there aren't any!"
"Somebody Google 'New Kensington senior prom 1985' and see what we find out about it. Just kidding, Snerdley! We don't need to look for that."
"I didn't go to college, I don't have an alma mater, you know? I don't have cheerleader memories, that sort of stuff. Watching cheerleaders is no big deal, either. They're too young anyway."
"We've had a war on poverty since when? 1964? Guess it's not working. Maybe we should surrender. Maybe we should pull out of the war on poverty."
"Tax increases for the rich don't do anything for the people in the middle and lower classes. In fact, it hurts them, but they're supposed to feel good about it because somebody else is getting soaked, and 'I want them to hurt like I hurt!'"
"I mean, watching golfers carry their own bags... give me a caddy or give me a break."