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"The pope's speech was just uplifting to me; I take this stuff personally. I love this country, and I love anyone else who loves this country."
"As your Commander-in-Chief US, Operation Chaos, I'm looking out over the battlefield. Mrs. Clinton's in trouble, and something that I never anticipated may be necessary:mouth-to-mouth resuscitation."
"I heard The Battle Hymn of the Republic start, and I told Cookie up in New York, 'Get me the song. I want the song as part of the audio sound bites.' She asked, 'You can hear it?' I said, 'I can always hear God's music.'"
"Jack Cafferty is the guy wearing the dirty raincoat in the city corner -- he hasn't shaved or showered in three weeks, and he's yelling obscenities at the people who walk by."
"The idea that Islamic terrorists join Al-Qaeda because they're economically poor... it's the exact opposite! Bin Laden is a billionaire. Zawahiri was a doctor. Economics has nothing to do with it; they resent freedom -- we're infidels."
"Can you imagine somebody thinking a dictator 'speaks for all the people', like Jimmy Carter does? President Carter, in a dictatorship, the people don't have a voice -- other than screaming for their lives."
"In the same way that they demand equal time after the president's State of the Union address, will liberals demand equal time after the statements of the pope? Don't laugh."
"We say this a lot, but elections really do matter, folks. We elected Jimmy Carter 32 years ago -- and he's still causing trouble! He'd be better off if he was still hammering nails at Habitat for Humanity."
"Look what you can do if you grow up on food stamps! You can go to Harvard Law and meet some sleazy real estate guy to help you buya house that you can't afford, and then you'll run for president with absolutely zero qualifications!"
"Neil, it's great to have another one of you hicks on the program with us. Well, do you go to church and have a gun? Yes? Then you're a hick."