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Tuesday Quotes: Your Guiding Light

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"Who is it that gets all upset over stupid cartoons? Radical Muslims!"

"What must it be like to live the life you liberals lead -- always suspecting everybody of doing something to screw you, when you are the ones doing the screwing to everybody else? Good grief! I'm close to profanity again here, and I can't go there!"

"This war 'diminishes' our security? Hey, Lord Obama, how many attacks have there been on the United States since we went to Iraq and Afghanistan? And how many, sir, did you have anything to do with preventing?"

"How many votes did you make in the Senate that might have made it easier for terrorists to attack this country, Senator Obama? Not by design, don't misunderstand me -- I mean through full-fledged incompetence."

"Be responsible. You'll be happier. You'll accomplish more, and you're better than you think you can be. You're far more qualified and capable than even you know."

"That's really an insult, that I'm a 'limousine conservative'. Just so you people know, there is not a limousine out there that meets my standards. I wouldn't be caught dead in one!"

"Wait --you have to dump your fuel before landing on an air carrier, and you do it at an altitude where it evaporates before it actually hits the ocean? So Flipper actually doesn't get hurt? Damn it! Okay, that's what I thought."

"The leadership liberals are vicious Stalinists, but most liberals are just a bunch of dupes, living meaningless lives, wanting to matter, and buying into this notion that their stupid cell phone charger is destroying the planet."

"At some point when our decisions go wrong, way too many of us look for relief from Washington: 'The system screwed me and I need to have it made right.' Well, maybe the system did screw you, but welcome to the club. Everybody gets screwed now and then."

"He had his great moments, Sam Kinison did."

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