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"You all are really the oneswho are responsible for this program. Your patronage is something that I will never, ever take for granted."
"If you haven't done so yet, you have to go to RushLimbaugh.com and take a tour through the virtual Limbaugh Museum of Broadcasting. You've not seen anything like this; it is indescribable. The Web team has been working on this for months, and it is stunning. It will captivate you."
"This show just blew up and got larger than anything anybody expected -- except me. My intention was to come here and own everything; I didn't go to New York to be number five or number four."
"I was a hellraiser causing problems at four and five years old when I had to be stashed away in prison -- er, in school. Who knows what I was doing? Probably harassing the other kids, probably not taking a nap when I was supposed to be taking a nap."
"If Obama becomes president and has enough Democrat support in both houses of Congress, the change he's talking about is a move toward pure socialism -- and that's not the kind of change that the people of this country want."
"What the hell else could Obama possibly have been talking about with that currency comment, if not race? His ears?"
"The liberals are so offended by McCain's Paris Hilton ad, saying, 'This is going to diminish McCain, make him look small in so many people's eyes.' Wrong! It's correctly identifying Obama and his audience. They're a bunch of celebutards, and they know it."
"Earlier in the show, everybody started waving at me on the other side of the glass. Brian kept pointing, so I looked at the desk and said, 'What? Is there a tarantula here? What's going on?' Finally he got on the intercom and said, 'The president is on the phone.'"
"When Patsy Schroeder announced that she was no longer going to continue her candidacy for the presidency, she started to cry: 'Waaaah! I can't go on because I can't win! I just can't win! Waaah!' And then she buried her head on the shoulder of her husband. I remember saying, 'Wow, what a victory for feminism.'"
"The new McCain ad attacks the 'divine' Obama. That's gonna really tick 'em off!"