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"Vladimir Putin is KGB -- and nobody ever leaves the KGB."
"I'm about to share with you a profundity, my friends: People who don't know what they don't know are fools, people who are in power and don't know what they don't know are very dangerous, and Obama doesn't know what he doesn't know."
"I am convinced, ladies and gentlemen, that they have a bunch of female directors and camera people now at NBC, because during the events featuring female competitors we were not getting the same camera angles that we used to always get."
"Our first caller referred to Saakashvili as a sack of excrement. You, George, have referred to him as 'a prostitute looking for a better john.' You're all making this guy sound like a Democrat."
"The 'Hymn to the Motherland'... That's probably the one time Obama does clasp his heart: when the ChiComs sing the 'Hymn to the Motherland.'"
"When a guy comes out and says, 'This does not comport with the Olympic ideal,' the Russians know they're dealing with a patsy. I mean, Putin is looking at this useful idiot, Barack Obama, and salivating."
"Do you know who Edwards' mistress looks like? In some pictures, she looks like Camilla Parker Bowles. I'm wondering if Edwards has Prince Charles envy."
"The parade of nations... Did you see the US team? Every damn one of them dressed alike in unisex outfits designed by Ralph Lauren! Slacks, blue blazers, and whatever else; I mean, that's official Palm Beach yacht wear."
"The women loved the swimming relay the other night because, 'Look-how-muscular-those-swimmers-looked-when-they-came-out-of-the-pool-in-those-tight-fitting-little-swimsuits.' And the men were saying, 'Screw you, French! Screw you, frogs!', because the French were talking smack about us."
"Edwards is still a doofus and has always been a fraud, and that hasn't changed, so lighten up."