My friends, here is the speech thatBill Clinton really wanted to give last night:
"My fellow Democrats: I've never been so ticked in my life. With gas and food prices soaring; a war we've demonized; Hurricane Katrina; Cheney, Bush... and Republicans running an ol' wrinkled whiteguywho's half Democrat half the time -- and theyput up this Obama fella?I mean, he couldn't win the general if you spotted him five points!
And... don't any of you dare blame me! I set Hillary up on the ten-yard line-- goal to go! She hadmore money than I ever had, and my legacy to run on-- and she couldn't close the deal against a freshman running on 'hope' and 'change'? She only had to remind everybody that I am 'the Man from Hope'-- and how I changed the world, beating Republicans at every turn! I did it easy!
Now I have to sit here, mouthing: 'I love you,' while she brags about her historic run? Ain't no history worth having in losin'! Nobody would even know her name if weren't for me. Even Limbaugh tried to pull it out for her! If I'd had him behind me, I'd still be president!
This whole thing ispathetic! She can't even say she's a proud wife! And all my black friends are gone -- after all I have done for you people?
You know, when this is all over-- and ya'llcome back lookin' for advice from me? I'm chargin' full price. Cause I will never-- I tell you-- never ever forget this!Good night and... I'm warning you!"