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"Sociologists speculate that with Obama's election, white people will feel more comfortable with a black boss. So Snerdley is boss today."
"The best bosses have always left me alone -- that's the honest-to-God truth. It was the bosses that rode me and constrained me that delayed my stardom and magnificent career."
"AP-Obama headline that just hit the wires two minutes ago: 'Obama and McCain say they will work together.' That scares the hell out of me."
"If Obama shuts down Club Gitmo, I'm going to give it a name. I'm going to call it the Terrorist Bailout Plan."
"I'll tell you, these people are lying through their teeth knowingly about Sarah Palin being a 'drag'. She was down in Miami last week for the Republican Governors Association, and she owned it! I am wont to mention any names, but she so owned it that others in attendance cut short her press conference."
"The Obama campaign was an image, and his presidency will be an image. It is symbolism over substance with him, and there's going to be some pretty bad substance."
"Let's talk about Hillary being secretary of state -- very, very brilliant move. You know the old adage, 'Keep your friends close and your enemies closer'? This is a textbook case of that."
"Sen. James Inhofe thinks Hank Paulson may have given some of this bailout money to his friends. I read this and thought: 'Hot damn.'"
"By the way, ladies and gentlemen, let me once again apologize for the state of my voice. It's my fault. I don't have a cold --it was just too much revelry and not enough sleep last night."
"George Brett is the best party favor you could give anybody."