Today, my friends,the 44th President of the United States of America will preside over the most expensive, most opulent,star-studded Inauguration ceremony since the Great Depression. And we, the people of the greatest nation on earth,have new marching orders from on high. It is the will of the Messiah, Lord Barack Obama the Most Merciful, that we citizens usher in a "new era of responsibility."
Now, these orders might come as a surprise to the tens of millions of you who actually live responsibility every dayinstead of talking about it. Those of you who pay your mortgages on time and are now being asked to bailout those who should never have gotten loans they couldn't afford in the first place. Those who take parenting seriously, who are asked to pay for the health care, breakfasts, lunches, and general welfare of those who don't. And those of you who serve your country in uniformin the face of the ingratitude of your fellow citizens on the left, who never seem to support the missions you sacrifice so much for.
And, while it's true that the fruits of your hard work are often squandered by irresponsible politicians in Washington, intent on placing even more obstacles in your way-- you are being called to a higher purpose: work harder, andgive more...so that our Messiah can bequeath even more benefits of your bountyon the irresponsible masses who elected him. So go forth from this immaculation and be responsible. For once. Try it!