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"Where's the damn saucer! The Senate is supposed to be the saucer that cools overheated stuff in the cup which comes from the House."
"The Drive-Bys are all over the place talking about how wonderful Obama's presser was. It was a bomb! It was a bomb of a press conference! You could definitely tell the difference between Obama on a prompter and Obama impromptu."
"I think everybody out there, if you want a new house, a new kitchen, a new car, or even a new job, you need to contact the White House."
"By the way, Julio, I have a suggestion for you, pal: McDonald's also has a thing called a clown college -- perhaps you could get a scholarship there."
"The whole Obama press conference last night was hilarious. I thought I was listening to Fidel Castro! He went on for 13 minutes answering the first question and never answered it!"
"Both the Senate and House are proceeding at a breakneck speed on purpose with this Porkulus bill, and I'll tell you why: so that fewer discoveries take place as to what's really in it."
"There is an all-out war on achievement in this country, and it's being conducted by Barack Obama and the Democrat Party. The achievers are to be punished, and they are to learn that they are never to achieve again."
"What am I? I am El Rushbo. And I have solutions. And one thing that we all have learned is you cannot go wrong with flowers."
"Let's not be too hard on our fellow citizens who showed up in Fort Myers today with their one opportunity to talk to the president of the United States and begged him for a car and a kitchen. I mean, something had to give them the idea that this is what his presidency was going to be about."
"Behind every economic catastrophe you will find a powerful union."