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"I started the year by saying, 'I hope Obama fails.' But now I'm actually asking myself, 'Is it possible that Obama wants America to fail?'"
"There is a conservative ascendancy happening out there -- that's what's happening on the streets of America -- and it's not a Republican ascendancy. Again, it's a conservative ascendancy, and to have it defined as something else is going to inflict great harm."
"We've been through this before with the national hemorrhoid, Jimmy Carter. And you know what the answer to a weakened America was? Two words: Ronaldus Magnus."
"We're keeping the legitimate president of Honduras out of the US, we're making nice with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, and now I come along and announce an exercise regimen. I can understand if America is profoundly confused today."
"You know, we ought to come up with a feature: the daily State-Controlled Media tweak -- guaranteed to be used incorrectly, no matter how often and laboriously we explain it to them!"
"This charge of racism is being shouted out to give Obama cover for being a failure, and this is a seminal point, folks. In fact, this is a profundity."
"We just got a couple new pieces of equipment for my gym -- I usually get it for guests and so forth -- and I said, 'I'm going to go over there and use one.' So I got on the treadmill. Now, there is not film of this. You're going to have to take my word for it."
"All right, so Pelosi is choking up here, but we all know that's fake because you can't cry when you've got Botox all over your face."
"Breaking news from the AP: Experts at the world's top atomic watchdog group are now in agreement that Tehran has the ability to make a nuclear bomb, and is on the way to developing a missile system to deliver it. And we are taking down our missile shields in Europe. Way to go, Barack!"
"Obama is ACORN, and ACORN is Obama. And even if they shut downthese ACORN offices, they'll just open up again as PEANUT or ALMOND."