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"Barack Obama has no foreign policy; Joe Biden is it. That's really comforting, is it not?"
"Johnny Carson had a knack of waiting until the people got it, and then he let fly. I am not Johnny Carson, so I don't wait for the people to get it -- I help the people get it. And since I'm ahead of the people, half of them hate me."
"You Obama hacks who are complaining about talk radio cheering his failure to win the Olympics for Chicago, you have to understand something: We conservatives are rooting for our country -- especially in the middle of a war -- and we don't need lectures from hacks."
"Well, now, this is funny: the networks are showing Obama making remarks over at the new National Counterterrorism Center. My guess is that he went over there to try to find Jack Bauer to arrest him for crimes against America."
"If you're out there applauding that these fat cats are having their salaries cut by Obama's pay czar, then you go ahead and applaud, but I'm going to applaud when they cut yours."
"I've been making fun of Obama for a year and a half (and, of course, I'm hated and despised for it), and now all of a sudden I'm joined by Saturday Night Live. I'm always ahead of the game. Everybody's always playing catch-up."
"Steven, as you grow older, you're going to learn that liberals are not innocent idiots -- they're dangerous, devious central planners who have designs on everybody's liberty and freedom."
"If cutting taxes would cause the economy to rebound, would liberals cut taxes? No, because they will not do what's best for this country and its people if it conflicts with their ideological desires."
"I'm just guessing, but I think General McChrystal is scared to death of what he's dealing with in Obama, a commander-in-chief with no foreign policy. I mean, all he does is make international trips and give campaign speeches aimed at promoting himself."
"All right. I've calmed down a little bit here, but I expect to get reworked up again as I go through the rest of this lame story about Jennifer Granholm."