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"Liberals in power are a threat to Western civilization. They're ruthless in pursuit of power, and weak in the face of evil."
"Have you ever seen so much bad news and evidence that Barack Obama has the inside track on becoming the worst president in the nation's history? America will once again succeed when Obama admits his policies and his arrogance have failed."
"I'm reading all over the place about how I don't matter. I have David Brooks saying I'm irrelevant, I have Howard Kurtz echoing Brooks today… and yet I have the government preparing to make a law to shut me up."
"I have warned you people several times over the years about this: I don't care whether the poll is presidential approval or what -- the purpose of polling today is to create news to further the agenda of the network doing the polling."
"We're $12 trillion in debt, and now you tell us we have to start saving, Secretary Geithner? Save what? Why don't you get your buddies in the room and say that to them, instead of preaching to us! These geek heads! They're ticking me off today, folks!"
"I'm reminded of that early town meeting in Florida, where some woman actually stood up and asked Obama when her new kitchen was going to be installed. Hey, we sit here and laugh, but she's a model citizen, as far as Obama is concerned."
"Why does the government have to come up with these screwball names and acronyms? I mean, this bomb is called the Massive Ordnance Penetrator. That sounds like something you'd see in a porn movie."
"I myself flip off these two skeletal nerds at Center for Science in the Public Interest every time I pop popcorn for my guests -- I use coconut oil. And I search the globe far and wide to find it, too. Screw these people!"
"I love the smell of ballparks. The only thing you can't smell at a ballpark anymore is a good cigar. I used to go to Busch Stadium when I was a kid, and just the aromas of the guys sitting there smoking cigars and the hot dogs and everything… It was just fabulous."
"You know, a conservative vegetarian is a conservative vegetarian. A liberal vegetarian is a vegetarian that demands you be one, too. They're militant, these people."