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"Obama appeared weak and small on his trip, and he didn't even leave with anything prearranged to be announced as a positive -- which is hard to believe. Presidents usually don't fly off and ad-lib."
"You people don't know this, but Snerdley doesn't even start screening calls until about a half hour into the show because he knows I'm not going to take one right away. So he sits in there and fakes screening calls to make it look like he's working when he's not."
"Sarah Palin has far more patriotism and love of country and decency in her than Barack Obama could hope to have. This woman would be so much better leading this country than what we have now because we are being led over the cliff into an abyss."
"Snerdley thinks that I'm the reason The Oprah quit. See, I tell you this to show you how hard it is for me to keep a level head. If I believed everything my staff told me about me, I wouldn't be able to fit in the door to get in here."
"Everyone over a certain age always talks about how they were scarred forever by the little drills we had to do in case the Russians launched a nuke at us. I was not scarred by it at all because I had the sense to realize that a desk was not going to protect me from 10,000 zillion degrees."
"You know, I was thinking about poor old Obama and his trip... Such a washout. And he didn't even get to come back with one of those ObaMao T-shirts!"
"People form businesses because they have a passion to provide a service or manufacture a product that they love. And then, if they get lucky, they can sell it to some bigger corporation down the line and invest in something new, or go sip pina coladas in the Virgin Islands while watching the Clintons dance with no music."
"Thomas Sowell has a bunch of great books on economics. And yeah, that's right, I can't for this new one -- he's got one coming in January on the intellectual class and what they have done to American culture. That's going to be a biggie."
"'Slept their way to the top.' Okay, we have about 30 seconds here to bleep this. I'm going to put this up to a vote of the staff. No bleep, Rachel? No bleep. Brian? No bleep. New York says no bleep. Okay, we're good to go."
"If this bill is signed into law, the Demcorats are going to get their lifetime supply of Viagra or Cialis -- their choice. They're going to get the 72 virgins in their offices or in the Capitol wading pool or wherever they want them."
