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"Tomorrow is Obama's birthday. Not that we've seen any proof of that, but tomorrow is Obama's birthday."
"Maxine Waters, in a statement released yesterday, said, 'I have not violated any House rules.' Who the hell is she kidding? She violated the most important House ethics rule of all -- she got caught!"
"Everybody's falling for this notion that there's Muslim outreach going on with this Ground Zero mosque. No, they're planting the flag of victory with this mosque; that's what they're doing."
"If you saw Woody Allen's movie Sleeper, you'll know that the busybodies depicted in that movie are exactly who we're talking about here on the New York City Landmarks Commission. They are women with the body of a crab and the head of a social worker. That's just the best way to describe it."
"Treasury secretary Timothy Geithner is a genuine egghead. Have you seen this guy's head? Genuine shape of an egg. There's something not right about it. Of course, you're not supposed to notice these things."
"We open the floodgates to the ill-educated, uneducated, and uninformed, and there's a reason for this: It's much easier to turn the ill-educated, uneducated, and uninformed into Democrats, because that's who votes for them anyway."
"The American Civil Liberties Union praised the Ground Zero mosque, saying it represents the core of American values. Represents the core of American values. Well, if the ACLU thinks it, so does Obama."
"Dan, the day that Donovan McNabb was traded to the Washington Redskins, did the sun come up the next day in Philadelphia?"
"If I'm Obama, I'm feeling pretty good about what I've been able to destroy here in just 18 months. I mean, if wiping out the American capitalist system is the objective, and if it's going to cost your political party a bunch of seats for a while, go for it -- it's worth the price."
"Snerdley once had a crush on Suzanne Malveaux."