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"I'm sorry tohave to make a big deal about Obama's halt...ting speech pat...tern. He's probably tired. He hasn't had a vacation in awhile."
"I never knew Terry Jones was religious. When we were kids, he never set fire to second base. There was no indication that Terry Jones had any affinity for fire. And look wherever you want in the high school yearbook, and you will not find Terry Jones voted 'Most Likely to Incite a Muslim Riot'."
"Why do all these press conferences an hour before this program starts, knowing full well I'm going to have all this time to dissect it, Obama?"
"I shouldn't admit this, but my parents have died, so I can't get in trouble here: I cut two monthsof high school my senior year. Well, I hated it!"
"What we have here is a man wandering aimlessly in vain search of a thought in this press conference today. Obama has no answers for his failures -- none -- other than, 'It was really bad when I got here.'"
"If I had been an accredited journalist at the Obama press conference today, I'd ask, 'If the Ground Zero mosque is built, Mr. President, will you assist with the ribbon cutting, or will you send Michelle Obama to assist with the ribbon cutting?'"
"You're part owner of your fantasy football team, Evan? Well, that's very nice. At least you have an ownership stake in some team in a football league."
"I don't think the Manning Bowl is going to be bigger than the Super Bowl because it's not going to attract the Muslim audience like the Super Bowl does."
"Barack Obama sat in the pews of the Reverend Jeremiah Wright's church for 20 years and said, 'I don't remember a thing.' I was four years in high school with this Terry Jones guy, and they're not believing me when I say I only remember him from Babe Ruth League baseball."
"No, Terry Jones' house is not a tourist stop in Cape Girardeau. Mine is."