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"Reversing Obamaism and defeating it is what the American people want. And a majority of them, by the way -- including larger-than-ever numbers of independents, the so-called precious middle."
"My friends, don't ever try to hug a polar bear. You will die. A polar bear will rip your head off."
"As I've said in a half-serious way numerous times, smokers deserve medals because they are risking their own lives for the children. Well, they're funding children's health programs. And, of course, that impeccable logic from me is met with the usual derision."
"Nobody can prove that Obama is following Cloward-Piven, but if he's not, it's a strange coincidence. I mean, I don't know how things would be any different if he was following it."
"Ladies and gentlemen, if I may, let me cut through all the noise and make the complex understandable. It's very simple. Republican chairmanships are not going to roll back Obamaism. Conservatism is."
"An oil well explodes, we need to sue Big Oil. The war on poverty fails after $20 trillion, and we need a new program."
"You know, that's right: If you go to a ballpark anywhere in public, and somebody lights up a joint, nobody says a word because nobody wants to be thought of as a narc. But you let somebody light up a cigarette, and 49,000 people will have a conniption fit."
"Why is it so important for us to forget that 9/11 -- and so many other terrorist attacks -- have been perpetuated in the name of Islam?"
"It doesn't take long before the manager of a restaurant comes up to me: 'Mr. Limbaugh, there's some complaints. We really have a no smoking policy here at such-and-such.' And then I say, 'I'm not smoking, I'm water vaporing.'"
"The right hairdo? What does that mean? What is the 'right Texas hairdo'?"