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"If you don't fit in the Democrat liberal plantation, they'll kick you out of it, and they won't even give you a mule."
"The Newsweek magazine cover that I told you I posed for Tuesday afternoon -- that cover is out. It's a great picture. Actually, if you are a fan, the picture says, 'Come on in.' If you don't like me, the picture says, 'Screw you.'"
"What's a 'sexless one-night stand'? What? No, no, no. The broadcast engineer said, 'A date with your wife.' Don't say that. That's not true."
"Charlie Crist, hands down, despite the tan, is the whitest of these three candidates in Florida. And who is it that the Obama White House and the Democrat Party are arranging to win this thing? The white guy. Can you say, 'civil rights'?"
"So John Kerry says that I have created a nation of know-nothings Yeah, right, well, Senator Kerry certainly knew enough to pick the Breck Girl as his vice presidential running mate."
"Does anybody doubt that there's bongs and pipes and doobies in the cubicles at Comedy Central? Anybody doubt that?"
"Third party is really not the way to go here. The thing to do here is what's already happening: a conservative ascendancy that creeps up and eventually takes over the Republican Party."
"Would somebody tell me how in the world you get innovation if you tax it? Somebody explain that to me. Fareed Zakaria. Smartest guy in the room. Okay."
"What this is really about in Florida is denying Marco Rubio. The Democrat Party just can't live with the possibility that a bright, young, vibrant, intelligent winner is Hispanic. I mean, the Democrats claim to own that ethnic group."
"Story: 'Many Democrats expected to retire, including Pelosi, if they lose the House.' So if you needed another reason to show up, here it is."