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"I swear -- every time I see Nancy Pelosi, she looks just like those guys that have been displaced in a coup."
"Open line Friday is one of the greatest career risks known to exist in modern media. It's an even greater risk, folks, than picking up some mellifluous-voiced homeless guy off of a bench and having him voice your promos like they're doing at MSNBC."
"By episode three of The Haney Project, it was boot camp: six hours with one club, no break. The unionized Golf Channel camera crew took two breaks, but I didn't get a drop of water."
"How do you keep people away from the Democrat Party? Well, first thing is you don't do anything the Democrat Party's doing. So you don't do anything to grow government, to expand or increase the debt, or anything that imposes further limits on liberty or freedom."
"I just got an e-mail from the Hutch in Seattle; he's doing chapel for the Saints tonight. He says, 'Anything you want to pass on?' I said, 'Tell 'em to enjoy it because they're going to see the Steelers again before it's all over.'"
"Whatever you want to talk about on Friday is fine. If you want to do NFL games and picks, bring it on. I'm happier than shaved ice to do that."
"Let me add something else to the mix here on the four NFL wild card playoff games: If we were to go theenvironmentalist wacko method this week, every bird team would lose, and lose bad. I mean, what's happening out there? Birds are falling out of the sky."
"Jay Carney is being bandied about as one of the potential replacements for Gibbs asWhite House press secretary. Jay Carney used to be one of the top writers at TIME Magazine -- but the media is not biased."
"The scary thing about death panels is leaving the authority over treatment -- end of lifeor otherwise -- to the very people who have a conflict of interest, and the people who havea conflict of interest are the government because they're charged with reducing costs."
"What is the left's birth control education? Condoms, cucumbers. I kid you not! That's what their birth control education is."