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"I was gonna name my first child Krauthammer, even if it was a girl. But no more."
"You know, we talk about what is smart on this program a lot, as Obama is naturally assumed to be smart. Well, name one smart thing he's done! Outside of political craftiness and screaming, name one smart policy that Obama has given us to help revive a sour economy!"
"My dad, until a year before he died, was determined he was a failure because he couldn't convince me to go to college. So my parents were far more like ChiCom moms than theparents of today are."
"We've all known a Marcy out there. I've caused many Marcys in my life, by the way, and proudly so. What, you've never been the reason a women was left in tears, Snerdley?"
"In junior high marching band, they had to move the trombones to the front row because I kept poking people in front of me with the slide on purpose."
"Here are your weekend NFL division playoff winners: The Baltimore Ravens, the Green Bay Packers, the Seattle Seahawks, and the New England Patriots. Although, I'm waffling about the Seahawks and the Bears. I'm choosing the Seahawks just because it would screw up the whole thing, but you never know."
"No, Dawn, I never had a play date. We just went out and played, we didn't have to make a freaking appointment for it!"
"When I was in Sacramento, one of the best billboard campaigns we had was just a white billboard with text: 'Rush Limbaugh is a Wonderful Human Being'. And a couple weeks later, tomatoes and other vegetables had been thrown at it."
"Rio Linda... You can't really categorize Rio Linda politically -- it's more of an IQ problem."