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"We're beginning our third decade of the Cure-A-Thon, and every year you have come through again and again. You have surpassed the previous year with increased generosity. We can't thank you enough."
"Imagine if the Republicans weren't afraid of Obama? Can you imagine if this guy got the same degree of criticism or vetting that reporters grant everybody else with this kind of power? He might've cracked. He simply can't deal with it."
"People ask me all the time why people like Trump so much. Because Donald Trump is taking it to Obama and the Democrats the way people wish other elected Republicans would take it to the Democrats. This is serious. This is not beanbag."
"I doubt that Paul Ryan even got a magnifying glass out and tried to kill a bunch of ants as a kid like the rest of us did, but already Obama speaks of him in a speech as wanting to kill senior citizens."
"Every month I watch the full moon rise over the ocean. You talk about appreciating something... to see it shimmering off the ocean is appointment viewing for me. I've even tried to perfect taking pictures of it, but I'm not good enough at photography."
"I'm confident in saying there has never been a program where the host and the audience have such a familial-type bond as this one. It's just wonderful, it absolutely is."
"George Brett, I think, is the only major league player to win the batting title over three different decades, and, of course, I'm the only guy to have done a leukemia Cure-A-Thon over three decades. Very, very cool."
"Drudge just put it up there: Gallup is out with their latest poll number, and it is the lowest approval number Obama's ever had in Gallup. A whopping 41%. For a messiah."
"With Obama, we're not talking about lackadaisical, haphazard policy things that might trouble us for a while. We're talking about things that, if they are not reversed, are going to totally alter the structure of this country in a way that will limit the chances for prosperity for people's children and grandchildren. This is very serious."
"To you five- and ten-dollar donors who sent your apologies in, don't be silly. We love it. We love all of you."