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"There's no economic or intellectual reason to take money out of the private sector and give it to government with the objective being that you're going to have a roaring economy as a result. It never happens. Don't doubt me."
"Pheromones are what cause women to synchronize their menstrual cycles, so imagine what that must have been like in Bin Laden's compound with three wives in there."
"Story: 'Women on the pill no longer experience a greater desire for traditionally masculine men during ovulation.' Now, this, to me, explains most marriages in Washington."
"If Obama had leveled with the American people about what he had planned, he wouldn't have gotten 30% of the vote. No liberal would! No liberal Democrat, if they were honest about their intentions for this country, would ever get 30% of the vote."
"If Obama's unbeatable, then let's have him campaign on six-dollar-a-gallon gasoline and let's move the unemployment rate up to 10%. I mean, if this is the stuff that gets presidents reelected, then why not have more of it?"
"Did you ever think, maybe, that birth control hormones in our water supply might account for metrosexual men?"
"You go talk to Republican voters, and they will tell you -- without exception -- that they're sick and tired of these guys campaigning on one thing and getting to Washington and not following through on it. Republicans are held to a different standard by their base than the Democrat base holds their people to."
"One thing I can't erase from my vast sphere of knowledge is that the Republican establishment does not like the Tea Party and they don't like it because it's conservative. I know this because of actual firsthand experience."
"Remember when Dick Gephardt said that for every hundred point drop in the stock market, the Dems would pick up a seat in the House? Well, for every terrorist killed with a double tap, Obama picks up two points in his approval numbers. In fact, he might end up having to protect the country after all just to help himself in the polls."
"By the way, I still want Obama to fail, lest there be any doubt."