“Next time Obama has a colonoscopy, I wonder who they’ll find in there. Which NBC personality will show up first?”
“The great thing about the Tea Party is it can’t really fade away because it really isn’t a party. It’s a state of mind.”
“Somebody needs to tell Obama it’s not 1933 anymore. The New Deal policies of 1933 are not gonna win the future. They didn’t even win the past. Even Paul Krugman knows that.”
“Some people would say we’re already under attack by aliens. Not space aliens, but illegal aliens.”
“Republicans are far closer even in their worst days to the original intent of this country than the Democrats are on their best.”
“Obama in his first two years did not have any opposition. He had supermajorities in the House and the Senate. The only opposition he had was me.”
“You would not believe the number of people who to this day claim that they have a role in this program’s existence and founding, which we take as a supreme compliment.”
“We can count on you people at CNN for something on this program every Monday to get us laughing and feeling good.”
“We already have a Department of Jobs. It’s called the Department of Labor, and it’s useless.”
“The New York Times in conjunction with CBS and CNN say that Americans are turning against the Tea Party. Now, these outlets carry so much water for the Democrat Party, they should be officially labeled aqueducts, ’cause that’s what they are.”
“What would Obama do if he robbed a bank, what would he do with that money? What would he do if he went to the Fed and said, ‘ Print me 25 zillion dollars,’ what would he do with that? He’d go out and buy votes with it.”
“You don’t start raising taxes, especially in one of these ‘X-number of dollars in cuts in exchange for X-number of dollars in tax increases,’ ’cause the cuts never happen. Ronaldus Magnus learned that. George H. W. Bush learned that. A lot of Republican presidents have learned it. The cuts never happen. The tax increases do.”
“Today Obama will go out amongst the peoples on a listen tour to learn (after almost three years) what is bothering the people. No jobs. Then he’s gonna finally figure out what the people want: jobs! And then he’s going to ask them what they need: jobs!”
“When was the last time you think Obama rode a bus in real life? He wants everybody else to but when’s the last time he did? I hope somebody slaps a bumper sticker or two on the back of that bus, something like, ‘We shall overspend.’ Instead of, ‘ We shall overcome,’ it’s, ‘We shall overspend.'”
“Obama’s at 39%, the Tea Party is supposedly being abandoned by independents, so where are these precious people? We need a search party to go out and find the independents.”
“The Romney hecklers were professional protesters put there by George Soros money.”
“Now, I may be making too big a deal out of this, but neither network… Well, I don’t know about CNN, but nobody’s covering Obama anymore out there on his trail. CNN’s not, either. Not a good sign, folks.”
“That’s what compromise means to the Libs: ‘Where will you give up?'”
“The taxpayers are funding Obama’s campaign tour. That’s been established. Nobody’s disagreeing with it. The regime is acting proud of it.”
“Our problem is we don’t have enough rich people! You want to be honest about this, we need new wealth, we need an expanding economy, we need people amassing new fortunes.”
“In his speech today, Obama blamed a Japanese tsunami for our bad economy. Whose fault is the Japanese tsunami? Who promised to lower the sea levels? If the guy who promised to lower the sea levels had indeed lowered the sea levels there wouldn’t have been a Japanese tsunami. So the Japanese tsunami’s Obama’s fault.”
“I think we’ve got a good name for Obama’s bus tour: The Debt Man Driving Tour.”