"Twenty-three years ago when I started this program, I never imagined that I would be so effective, so loved, and so popular, that they would create an entire television network devoted to misreporting or reporting what I say on the radio every day. That's what MSNBC does: It exists to report what I say on the radio every day."
"You know, folks, during the collapse of the old Soviet Union, the Russians used to say that after communism comes alcoholism. What do you figure comes after Obamunism?"
"The Tea Party is about reducing the size of government and getting it out of people's lives, rejecting the notion that only government can make the right decisions for people."
"We do not believe in 'economic justice' as defined by government being in charge of economic outcomes."
"It's become obvious, folks, the reason that MSNBC exists is to report what I say on the radio every day."
"What we're seeing in Britain is the chickens of socialism, Obamanomics, Obamageddon, Barackalypse Now. That's what's coming home to roost, brought to us by a Debt Man Walking."
"We must never forget: Woodrow Wilson segregated the whole US government in the first place. Democrats equal segregation in this nation's history. That's why there was a Republican Party in the first place."
"Obama's saying that we need to fix our politics, which in his world means: 'People just need to stop disagreeing with me. If people just stop disagreeing with me, then everything is gonna be fine.' That's what's wrong with our politics is he just doesn't get to be dictator."
"As a kid, summertime was idyllic. Now it's for me busier than most other times of the year, or at least as busy."
"There has been more damage done to this country in two and a half years by agents of this country's government than ever before in history."
"More and more people seem to be waking up to reality."
"The independents, don't forget now, they're smarter than everybody else! They're more open-minded."
"The problem today is the very system that has produced the greatest wealth in the country surrender attack. The entire system, the whole country, everybody is under attack in the name of attacking the top 1%."
"Every day the Democrats wake up and look out over the country, they see the consequences of what they believe, and in those rare moments where the reality permeates, and they admit the truth to themselves, they realize it's their policies that have done all this."
"If you're rooting for the president, you are rooting for your stocks to continue to collapse. If you are rooting for the president, you are rooting for precarious times to become even more precarious. If you are rooting for the president, you are rooting for a president who does know what he's doing."
"Reverend Sharpton craves my choir, but, folks, don't worry. I know that it would take moments of utter insanity for you to spend any time over there on that network. So I'm not worried about you defecting."
"When we talk about 'creating wealth,' we're talking about one thing: Capitalism. Socialism does not create wealth. Socialism redistributes it, but if there's nothing creating wealth, then of course there's nothing to redistribute."
"You could have somebody in this country who's 25, has ten kids (which is possible) and dies, and the government will send his heirs in Social Security, disability, whatever, $155,000 a year total. The government will do it."
"Are you leaving, Snerdley? You're just walking out? He's just leaving? Snerdley is leaving the program in the middle of a great Carbonite commercial! It's okay. It's all right. I can finish this show without you. Go. Go, go, go, go. Go, go. Go. Everybody thinks that I can't get along without 'em. We'll see."
"It was pointed out the other day, the Democrats all have 401(k)s as well. They all have retirement accounts, and they've all got kids, and they've all got futures to be concerned about, and, you know, at some point they start saying, is my kids' future worth supporting this guy?"
"Liberalism has led to the paralysis of law enforcement because the people committing these crimes are entitled in liberalism because they have been so put upon, they are so disadvantaged by whatever socioeconomic unfairness that we have to understand their rage -- and if they destroy somebody else's private property, we can't stop 'em."
"For crying out loud, folks, our own government -- our own president -- at one time tried to tell us that there was a justification for terrorism, poverty. And if maybe not justification, that we at least had to understand that there are reasons for it -- and it was up to us to do something about it."