"Is it any wonder that parents get a little worried when they send the little tykes off to school, because I'll tell you, folks, what's happening, especially in these blue states, what's happening in these public schools, the last thing going on is what we've all thought of as traditional education."
"I always start getting sentimental as we get to the holiday season. It always makes me turn into Mr. Softy. And it's a great feeling."
"Here we are, two days before Thanksgiving, and even the Wall Street Journal has to run a story about how what you eat and how much you eat may kill you on Thanksgiving."
"I saw this headline, 'Cops Called to Florida Grade School After Girl Kisses Boy in Gym,' and, I mean, what more normal thing would happen? This happens. In fact, I feel like applauding it. 'Finally there's some normalcy going on in the schools and now they're calling the cops for it?' That was my reaction."
"Every second- and third-tier Republican candidate gets an anal exam, a media anal exam. We know about their marriages. We know about their friends. We know about their enemies. We learn about their barmaids and their floozies. We know everything about their kids. We know about their grades. You name it, we're told everything that we want to know or don't want to know and more about every Republican."
"Unemployment numbers are at least 20% off, which seems to be an acceptable margin of error for public servants. Maybe we can only pay 80% of our taxes and call it even."
"Chris Dodd 'poured some whiskey on Kennedy's grave while Reid recited a prayer,' I kid you not. This is reported in The Politico. The only thing missing was a waitress lying down on the grave with Chris Dodd then laying down on top of the waitress. Sort of a postmortem Dodd-Kennedy waitress sandwich."
"We're coming up on three years of the Obama regime and we know nothing about Obama beyond what has had to be pulled from the tightest of closed circles."
"Herman Cain is said to be too dumb to be president because of his foreign policy statements, or because of a pause in answering a question about Libya. Or he's too dumb because of his lack of experience. All right, fine. Can somebody tell me in one or two sentences what Obama's foreign policy doctrine is? I'm serious."
"Everything about Obama is an assumption. Our economy is suffering in part because of the unpredictability of the Obama regime, both domestically and in the area of foreign policy. Our foreign policy suffers from the unpredictability of the Obama regime."
"You compare Michele Bachmann's life experiences to Obama and how can it be said that she is not up to the job, after the job he has done wrecking this country? How can it be said that she or Herman Cain or any one of our candidates is not up to the job when the alternative is a one-man wrecking crew named Barack Obama?"
"You know, I can't tell you the number of typos, grammatical mistakes, just flat-out errors that now appear in what are supposedly solid journalistic websites."
"We were told by the regime that GDP was roaring back at two and a half percent, and it wasn't so. What we have here is a 20% error. Try going to work 20% late. Try underpaying your rent or your mortgage by 20%. Try underpaying your taxes by 20%, see how far you get. But you can't trust anything coming out of the regime. These government produced numbers don't mean anything."
"Wait 'til you see the labels of the new flavors. They're beautiful, too. People are not throwing our bottles away. Our bottles are keepsakes. Our bottles are works of art. People are putting roses and flowers in their bottles."
"This has been my point all along, about the elephant in the room that nobody's got the guts to talk about. Nobody called the cops at Penn State after witnessing numerous rapes of young boys by this assistant coach. A girl kisses a boy in a middle school in Florida and they drop everything and call the cops, and a 56-year-old teacher calls it a sex crime."
"If there are members of Congress who are vegetables, which is a first for me, I've not heard that, it is safe to assume that there are members of Congress who are fruits?"
"Our economic problems weren't caused overnight. We've had three and a half years and our economic problems have been exacerbated, they have been made worse, and it is the height of hypocrisy for Barack Obama to talk about people doing better. It's the height of hypocrisy for Barack Obama to talk about the country moving forward, a country where every American has opportunity."
"Obama's killing factory jobs. He's killing every kind of job this country has. He's killing energy jobs. He's killing jobs for Boeing. He's killing retail jobs. He's investing in phony industries that do not create any jobs, slush funds, Solyndra."
"We've worked really hard with our staff on this customer service aspect, because it's like the radio show, the audience is the thing, and with the tea, you're the thing."
"That's one of those rhetorical questions that doesn't have an answer, but if you're gonna have CNN broadcast these Republican debates, why do you expect to have a conservative moderating it? It seems to be a misplaced expectation."
"Has anybody ever seen on a death certificate, 'He died because of what he ate on Thanksgiving as a teenager.' Who are they trying to kid?"
"It's the height of hypocrisy for Barack Obama to talk about the country moving forward, a country where every American has opportunity. Opportunity is slipping away, as the private sector is dismantled."
"We can't go on this way. We cannot go on with half the country being paid by the other half of the country lifetime pensions, lifetime health care, when the people doing the paying don't have any of that themselves. It can't sustain itself, and it won't."
"The only people who are making out in the Democrat Party are the unions."