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Wall Street Journal: Thanksgiving Dinner Can Kill Us, But We Deserve to Die

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT

RUSH: All right, if you are a regular listener to this program, you know that over the years we have chronicled the efforts of the left to take all enjoyment out of life, to convince you that whatever you are eating or drinking will kill you, make you sick.  We have chronicled, we've gone from oat bran being something very healthful to something that could kill you, ditto caffeine and heart attacks and death and so forth, you know the drill.  They just can't leave it alone.  And now we've reached the epitome of this, and it's in a Wall Street Journal story, "Countdown to a Food Coma."  This is a story about what happens to you after you eat, what happens to your body after you eat a big meal for Thanksgiving.  "Countdown to a Food Coma," is the title.  "What Happens to Your Body After a Big Meal; Clues to Future Health?"

"You have seconds on turkey and thirds on stuffing. The top button is unfastened to make room for the pumpkin pie." When that happens, they say, "It is time to step away from the table.  This post-meal recovery period is being studied by scientists who are increasingly finding that what happens in the body after eating a big meal doesn't just bring on sleepiness, commonly known as food coma. It can also increase the risk of later health problems." This is getting absurd.  Stop the studies.  Here we are, two days before Thanksgiving, and even the Wall Street Journal has to run a story about how what you eat, and how much you eat, may kill you on Thanksgiving. 

"Everybody absorbs fats, sugars and other nutrients differently. These variations can provide clues about a person's risk for common medical conditions, including heart disease, stroke and diabetes." We're talking about turkey and dressing, the traditional Thanksgiving meal, and the Wall Street Journal has a story on how you might be killed by it.  "Even in healthy people, cells that line the blood vessels temporarily function less efficiently after a person eats a high-fat meal.  Researchers also are studying strategies for reducing risks in the period immediately after a meal."  Who is paying for this?  Why are they doing this?  Whoever they are, they need to be stopped.  Who cares?  Has anybody ever seen on a death certificate, "He died because of what he ate on Thanksgiving as a teenager."  Who are they trying to kid? 

"Researchers also are studying strategies for reducing risks in the period immediately after a meal, known as the postprandial phase."  Now, I, as a man of culture, understand postprandial to mean that's when you have the cigar.  The postprandial wine or port and cigar, postprandial, after eating.  "While going for a walk after eating might help digestion, for example, recent studies suggest that exercising 12 or more hours before the meal can prevent one of the most damaging effects -- a post-meal spike in a type of fat called triglycerides." Who knew? "One of the biggest tasks for the body after eating is to deal with fats in the blood. Cholesterol, particularly LDL, or 'bad' cholesterol, infiltrates the walls of the arteries and forms plaques, which can block blood flow or eventually rupture, leading to heart attack and stroke." All of this simply by being an American.  All of this engaging in the traditional Thanksgiving meal.  The condition, atherosclerosis. 

Did you know that Thanksgiving is responsible for that?  You hadn't heard that?  Thanksgiving is responsible for Parkinson's, atherosclerosis, hardening of the arteries, dementia, you name it, Thanksgiving is responsible for it, and you know why?  Because we took the country away from the Indians.  This is the price we pay.  They were minding their own business, the Indians, the Native Americans, at one with nature, harming nothing, harming no one, minding their own business, and we, the evil white Europeans land at Plymouth Rock. To hell with Chris Columbus, he was down in the Caribbean screwing it up down there.  We land at Plymouth Rock and we immediately destroy everything, and we bring racism, sexism, bigotry, homophobia, slavery, syphilis, gonorrhea, you name it, we brought it, and for this reason we deserve to die after eating Thanksgiving dinner.  And the Wall Street Journal here is warning us how and why we deserve to have it happen to us. 

"Triglycerides, which typically peak after a big meal, are present in food and are also converted by the body from other nutrients, like carbohydrates. Triglycerides are particularly problematic because they are so good at penetrating the arterial wall, says Borge Nordestgaard, chief physician in clinical biochemistry at Denmark's Copenhagen University Hospital."  See, it is a bunch of other white Europeans who stayed there, who did not come here, who are not responsible for taking it all away from the Indians, they don't eat this meal, and they live.  We eat it, and we will die.  Mr. Snerdley is asking if the Pilgrims' triglycerides did indeed spike up after Thanksgiving meal with the Indians, the native Americans.  Yes, that's the point of the story. (interruption) Well, they didn't survive.  You go back and look at the life expectancy of the people that lived in that era and it was because of Thanksgiving.  Thanksgiving killed people.  The Wall Street Journal is on the case warning us of this. 

"Dr. Nordestgaard and his team tracked about 14,000 Danish adults for almost 30 years. Women who had elevated triglycerides -- 440 milligrams per deciliter, compared with a normal range of 90mg or below -- had a 17-fold increase in the risk of heart attack; men had a five-fold increase. The study was published in 2007. ... Spurred in part by the research, Denmark has shifted its clinical practice." The story goes on for two more pages.  I kid you not, this is how absurd that it has become.  (interruption)  No, they don't tell you what you should eat.  They're just warning you here that a big meal, not just Thanksgiving, any big meal, you're gonna die.  Christmas dinner, same thing.  Any big meal.  Doesn't matter. 

Let me tell you what's happened here.  The Wall Street Journal has caught Moochelle Obama Disease.  It's one day of the year.  It's about being thankful for the fact that the Pilgrims didn't starve to death.  It's about being thankful for the role God played in the founding of this country.  It's about being thankful.  And here come these medical scientific researchers trying to take the joy even out of Thanksgiving with this stupid, asinine story about triglycerides and atherosclerosis and all the horrible things that are gonna happen to you if you dare sit down and have two or three helpings of dressing.  And what's more, you deserve it.  I don't care.  (interruption) Tofu that tastes like turkey?  No.  No, no.  Tofurkey?  You must really be a highly trained broadcast specialist to say that word and stay safe.  Tofurkey?  And you eat it, I suppose?  Yeah.  Snerdley, you eat it for health reasons.  So you buy this stupid Wall Street Journal stuff?  Tofurkey?  Give me a break.

END TRANSCRIPT

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