"In politics, can I give you a profundity? Nobody ever won anything defending anything. You win by being on offense and being on the attack."
"When the 100-watt incandescent lightbulbs are outlawed only criminals will have them. That means me. I will be a criminal."
"Amazing. The other night, I got tired, I packed it in at 11 p.m. and I got up at seven. So I got eight hours sleep and I felt rotten all day. I felt like I hadn't slept at all. I went to bed at three this morning, and I feel great."
"The people who aren't paying income tax are the people running around saying that everybody else isn't paying their fair share. That's the real irony of this."
"Why did God make sexual fruit? The temptation, Snerdley, the temptation. To test us. God is testing these women with cucumbers, zucchini, bananas, testing them. You know, I'd love to call some of the NAGs, ask them about this, Gloria Steinem, she ever had temptation with a cucumber?"
"Yesterday Obama celebrated Hanukkah. That means tomorrow is Christmas Eve, and next Wednesday is New Year's Eve in Obamaville."
"Democrats never want to elevate people at the bottom, they just want to shrink it from the top."
"The White House Christmas party for the media was December 6th. That's about eight or nine days earlier than usual. See, everything is based on Obama getting out of town on December 16th to head over to Hawaii. So that's why he lit all the candles. He didn't have time to wait for Hanukkah to actually play out, he's gotta leave."
"When Democrats steal, it's a tragedy for the thief, not the victims. What we have here is a Wall Street crook, Corzine, but he's a Democrat, so the tone's totally different."
"In three weeks and one day the 100-watt incandescent lightbulb will be illegal. In three weeks and one day it will be illegal to sell a 100-watt incandescent lightbulb. And who did this? Federal government. The federal government, under the auspices of a hoax, mankind global warming."
"The enemy of the Democrat Party is progress."
"I know a lot of people like Ron Paul's domestic policy. He's very tough talking on budget cuts and shrinking government and individual liberty, and that's attractive. But, folks, this foreign policy is disastrous."
"If somebody on our side goes third party, as far as I'm concerned, they're to reelect Obama. For whatever reason, anger at the electorate on the Republican side for not nominating them, anger at other people for what happened to 'em, what was said during the campaign, whatever."
"The Republicans don't look at Newt that way. They see him on the cover as "the Gingrich who stole Christmas." They see him as an easily demonized enemy. They see him as a big problem for their own credibility. They see him as a reason they get made fun of just like the Christian right, and just like the Moral Majority. They never liked having that coalition in the party."
"The Republican Party is not a conservative movement. The conservative movement is independent of the party. It is in the party, and the effort that's underway to take control of it."
"How many jobs have I killed by opening the tea company, right? How many jobs did I kill 'cause I'm using the Internet, and the Internet's a job killer, according to Obama."
"You know when I went up to New York for the Rush to Excellence Tour at Town Hall, I obviously had a staging area, and the theater has a greenroom about the size of the desk here, so it wasn't sufficient. So we got a miniature suite at the Sofitel, which was within 15 minutes driving distance given traffic to Town Hall, and I put my name as Dominique Strauss-Kahn. I wanted to see if I'd get hit on by any maids 'cause that was the hotel. I normally use a bunch of different aliases, but this time nothing happened."
"The Republican Party, for whatever reason, think that conservatives equal instant defeat. They think that conservatives send independents and moderates away in droves."
"That's the difference between the left and us. We will throw our people overboard with a hangnail. How many conservatives seeking the Republican nomination have been thrown overboard, happily so by the Republicans? Read our so-called conservative media critique these people and list all of their imperfections. You don't see the other side doing this."
"I tell you in politics, you win by being on the offense and being on the attack. You do not get votes by being defensive. You do not get votes by trying to repel attacks. You do not get anywhere defending anything."