"Folks, everybody involved in politics with a vested interest has opened both barrels of the shotgun and are firing at everybody. Every Republican of note and of stature is under a full-fledged assault in this state today."
"Republicans are hit every day in the media. There's no way this can be stopped. You're just gonna have to come to grips with it. There's nothing I can do, there's nothing anybody can do to stop the media assault on any Republican candidate or high-profile personality."
"I'll bet you a bunch of people in this audience, if you ask 'em to make a bet, they would bet the Republican Party doesn't have the guts to go after Democrats the way they're going after themselves."
"Have you seen any evidence the Republican Party's willing to go after Obama like they're going after each other? I haven't."
"Gosh, I look like a carrot up there on my Dittocam TV. Look at that skin tone. It looks like I got beta-carotene and rubbed it all over my face."
"The big news today, Barney Frank, 71 years old, is gonna marry his partner. I wonder if Barney is gonna have an open marriage?"
"If the government has the power to regulate your business, you get in bed with them to limit the damage and maybe on the upside get regulations in your favor. Sadly, folks, that's the truth. That's the way it happens."
"I think people see Gingrich fighting for an ideal, and Romney fighting to get elected. I think if I had to synthesize what the campaign breaks down to, it's that."
"Remember The Today show, they used to have a feature, 'Where in the world is Matt Lauer?' We're gonna have sort of the same kind of thing, where today is Two If By Tea? And we're just having it pop up in various stores out there for the pure fun of it."
"How in the world do you get from the worst year on record to, 'Hey, this is a sign it's starting to get better!' What, is it so bad it can't get any worse? Unemployment is up, housing is through the floor, the GDP is what, the national debt is what -- and the media is telling us, 'Obama's got his swagger back, because the economy's doing so well!'"
"Every time I mention a blogger, it doesn't matter what blog site I cite, other bloggers send me e-mails saying they're phonies, they're creeps. The hatred in the blogger community is funny."
"When I was growing up, you did not talk about how much money you earned. It was the epitome of being boorish."
"The people that don't care about how they appear in the media, those are the people that are unique. Most people just live and die by the media. People in the public eye, they sweat it out."
"I need a six hour show today and I don't have the time and your station wouldn't carry it."
"You could run the government for 18 days on the combined income of the 8,274 people who make incomes over $10 million a year, which means the answer to our problem is not raising their taxes, folks."
"How high would you rank yourself on the romance scale? Snerdley, on a scale of one to ten, puts himself at a 12."