"Snerdley, do you still have your crush on Suzanne Malveaux? You're gonna have to do something about this."
"It never distresses me when the Dittocam doesn't work. It's like a day off for me."
"In the old days -- and I'm not exaggerating -- people used to get locked up in the loony bin for saying some of the stuff that Algore and the global warmists now not only say, but they teach!"
"I love talking to the new young people here, 'cause there's nobody that makes it easier to understand. That's what I do. I make the complex understandable."
"From 2000 to 2009, home run totals are down! There aren't more baseballs flying out of the park in the last ten years or 11 years, for whatever reason. There aren't. Home run totals are on the decline. And, of course, it has nothing to do with baseball players being 20% bigger today than they were in years past."
"I get e-mails from people telling me they're sick and tired of me talking about Apple. Well, deal with it."
"Science is not subject to opinion. And this is the problem with global warming."
"This is particularly disturbing, because these young skulls full of mush, are cheering Algore when he said two things: 'Corporations are not people' and 'money is not speech.' Well, of course corporations are people. What is a corporation if it isn't people?"
"There isn't one person that started a business because he thought his community needed jobs or because he thought people in his town needed health care. That's not why people start businesses."
"Have you ever asked yourself, 'If global warming is within our power, how do we make it cooler?' We can't. We can't, thus, be responsible for it getting warmer. We're just stewards here. We're just placeholders on this planet. We have the ability to protect and guard and so forth, but in terms of inventing any of this or causing any of this or correcting it? We can't. We have to adapt, is what we do."
"You know, I don't know whether I ought to mention this because I don't know if I'm gonna say it right. I actually feel worthless on the weekends. I feel like I'm not contributing anything. Really. I was sitting there yesterday afternoon feeling depressed, like I was slacking off. I don't know."
"The Obama voter doesn't vote and wants higher taxes. And I'm telling you: That's not a majority of the people in this country. It just isn't."
"Obama voters are made up of people who don't care that they're unemployed 'cause they're gonna be taken care of, and they like higher taxes because they know that's how they're gonna be supported."
"I find it a bit ironic, ladies and gentlemen, for this to be Barack Obama's primary accomplishment as president since he ran as an anti-war candidate. Gonna get us outta Club Gitmo. Gonna get us out of Afghanistan and Iraq, and now the big claim, after seven years of bashing the war on terror and calling all of it a waste of money, what's the only thing that Obama can hang his hat on, and that's getting Osama."
"Once people see the camera, it's over. People see a camera and they behave differently. Human nature. Some will ignore it; others will play to it."
"I think it's entirely possible that the earth might be warming. The earth might, in fact, be warming. But number one, I don't see there might be anything wrong with that; and number two, we aren't causing it because we can't."
"We don't have the power to make it colder. We can't stop a hurricane from hitting New Orleans or anywhere else. We can't stop lightning strikes or thunderstorms. We don't have the power! And if we can't stop this stuff then we certainly can't cause it. It's not complex. It's simple."
"It's a very, very seductive thing the left has done here by convincing people that their lives can have meaning if they will simply sacrifice. 'We do with less, and then join the club to make everybody else do with less! And doing with less and stopping or retarding progress, that's how we will save our planet.'"
"Too many people spend too much time and complexity in thinking that the explanation for everything is complex, when it isn't. The simple answer is usually the answer."