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US Open Starts
RUSH: The US Open starts today.  It's at the Olympic Club in San Francisco.  I've got it on, on the top monitor.  I played that golf course three weeks ago, if you recall, as part of a charity outing for the Boys and Girls Clubs of America.  And I'm looking at that golf course and I am reliving the pain as I watch this on television.  I'd rank it right up there with Oakmont outside Pittsburgh and Bethpage Black, the hardest golf courses I ever played.  Impossible for rank amateurs like me. I mean here I shoot a 79, 78 on my local course.  I couldn't break a hundred on that course.  We were only playing at 6,500 yards.  These guys are playing at 7,100 yards.  They've got a 670 yard par 5.  Unheard of. 

Anyway, I'm not gonna spend a lot of time on this because I know it's spoiler alert time. I'm not gonna tell you how it's going. But I see a hole, I remember how treacherous it was.  It does look easier on television, but the memories do come back. 

For you golf fans who are gonna end up watching the US Open from now 'til Sunday, one thing I want to point out to you about this golf course. I forgot to mention this and I'm noticing it here. There are very few flat lies on this golf course. The ball is always gonna be either above or below the player's feet. There are fairways, like, dogleg to the right holes. The fairway slants away from the turn. And we amateurs... It took me awhile to figure it out.

I was hitting everything thin for a while until I realized, "My gosh, the ball's below my feet." This is a game of microscopic proportions. And it's really pronounced in some of the holes. You can see it when you watch. Now, these guys are pros. They have no problem. They understand it. They know it. Practice rounds. But it just totally escaped me until I thought, "Why am I hitting everything thin here? It doesn't make any sense!" Some of the angles are slight, but that's all it takes.

New Version of Dallas Premieres
RUSH: I watched Dallas last night.  I loved that show back in the 1980s.  I even watch periodically. I haven't done it recently, but I have every episode, and I go back and I watch them.  I love nostalgia.  You know, the older you get, the more fun it is to go back and remember where you were at times when you were enjoying certain things.  But this is going to be good, I think. 

Try this.  Bobby Ewing owns South Fork now. J.R. is in a nursing home with clinical depression.  (laughing) Bobby owns it, and mother, Miss Ellie had a provision in her will that no oil drilling would ever happen on South Fork. The show opens with J.R.'s kid striking oil on South Fork.  Now, the question I had, wait a minute, Bobby Ewing owns the place, he lives there.  His brother's son has got an oil rig and a derrick and a crew out there and he doesn't know it, on his own ranch?  So they strike oil, and big time, like two billion barrel's worth of oil.  So Bobby decides, well, I can't have this. This is J.R.'s kid doing this, Miss Ellie's will. So he makes a deal with a conservancy group to sell South Fork to a conservancy group.  What he doesn't know is -- maybe I shouldn't be talking about this.  Some of you people probably TiVoed it and haven't watched it. 

Anyway, let me tell you this.  Bobby's kid, Christopher, has sworn off oil.  It's horrible, it's filthy, he's Obama on oil.  He's into alternative energy.  And his alternative energy is extracting methane from the ocean floor.  And during the first episode, it is learned that his company has caused an earthquake in Japan (laughing) in the process of extracting methane from the ocean floor.  J.R.'s kid, who hates Christopher now, has spies, and he figures this out. 

I thought it was gonna be cheesy and modernized to the point that it wasn't gonna be any good, but it is.  It was a-two-hour premiere and it zipped by. (interruption) Yeah, you can frac underwater.  Oh, that's what I mean.  And they got it right.  They have the oil industry properly represented.  Of course, I think Dallas, on television, is the only place you can actually watch oil drilling in this country anymore.  It's like a science fiction thing.  But I enjoyed it.  I can't wait 'til the next episode next week.

Terry Bradshaw: Football Gone in Next Ten Years
RUSH: Terry Bradshaw of the Pittsburgh Steelers would not let his son play football. He says the game is gonna fundamentally change in ten years or less and says the NFL doesn't care about former players. I'm telling you, this is going on out there. He says he had six concussions, and nobody cares. And he said that if he had a son, he wouldn't let him play the game. He furthermore said (and I knew this was coming) this game isn't gonna be what it is in ten years. There's gonna be a time in the next decade we will not see football as it is.

This is a four-time Super Bowl-winning quarterback, my friends.

He said that the contact sports are slowly going to phase away while soccer, baseball, and basketball will grow. This guy's bread and butter comes from the NFL and Fox Sports, and he's out there predicting the demise of the game. This is happening at a much quicker rate, a faster clip than I thought it was gonna happen. This Philadelphia suburb gal is suggesting banning high school football. Liberals get their arms around this stuff and want to take the risk out of everything, even though people sign up for it knowing full well what they're getting into.

Mark my words: You better enjoy it while you can.

Cop Dies During 3-Way Sex, Wife Wins $3 Million
RUSH: Folks, get this. Get this, Snerdley. From Atlanta, WXIA-TV Eyeball News: "A jury has awarded a Georgia woman $3 million over her husband's heart attack, finding that his doctor should have warned the Atlanta cop against strenuous activity like the three-way sex he was having at the time he died, WXIA-TV reports. William Martinez, a 31-year-old Atlanta police officer, collapsed and died while he and a male friend were having sex with a woman who was not his wife at an Atlanta airport motel in 2009."

So the cop dies during three-way sex.

His widow wins $3 million because his doctor didn't warn him that such things are too strenuous for somebody with his kind of heart. Right before a stress test. And we wonder why malpractice insurance is so high. Three million dollars! The guy's in a three-way. The widow blames the doctor for not warning her husband that such strenuous activity could damage his already-weakened heart. (interruption) The Official Program Observer with a question. What's the question? (interruption)

You are a student and resident of Realville, yes. (interruption) So what's the question? (interruption) Yes. (interruption) Mmm-hmm. (interruption) No. (interruption) A stupid question. The question was, "If the guy's having three-way sex, doesn't he have less work to do, not more?" Don't you understand how it works in three-ways? You got more work to do! You don't just... (interruption) Exactly right. It's two guys and a woman. There's more work to do there, Snerdley. (interruption)

There's performance anxiety. There's all kinds of stuff that gets wrapped up into this. You're telegraphing what kind of guy you'd be in a three-way. You'd be worthless.

 

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