RUSH: When it rains, it pours, folks. There have been an amazing number of violent deaths. “A Florida woman…” This a White Plains, New York, story. “A Florida woman who was convicted of arranging the ‘sadistic’ killings of her millionaire husband and his mother should spend the rest of her life in prison, federal prosecutors said Monday. …

“Bernice Novack was repeatedly bludgeoned in the teeth and head with a plumberÂ’s wrench at her Fort Lauderdale home. Two months later, Ben Novack was pummeled with barbells and had his eyes sliced with a utility knife in his hotel room in Rye Brook, NY. The killings ‘involved particularly cruel, sadistic and gratuitous savagery seldom seen in the annals of crime,’ [Assistant US Attorney Elliott] Jacobson wrote” in a sentencing memo. So, I mean, look at this!

Bernice Novack was bludgeoned in the teeth and the head with a plumber’s wrench. If it weren’t for the wrench and the barbells, the Novacks might still be alive today. That’s just the top of the stack. Camden, New Jersey: “Toxicology tests show a New Jersey woman who decapitated her 2-year-old son and then killed herself in August had smoked PCP-laced marijuana. The Camden County Prosecutor’s released the test results Monday showing 34-year-old Chevonne Thomas had used the drug before killing her son and putting his head in a freezer.”

If it weren’t for the PCP in the marijuana, he might still be alive.

From Cheyenne Wyoming: “A man who killed his father in front of a computer science class at a Wyoming community college was a ‘borderline genius,'” it says here from the AP. (laughing) “A man who killed his father in front of a computer science class at a Wyoming community college was a ‘borderline genius,’ upset by the belief he had inherited Asperger’s Syndrome from his dad, an aunt of the killer said Monday. Christopher Krumm, 25,” the borderline genius, “blamed Asperger’s for his trouble keeping jobs after he got a master’s degree in electrical engineering from Colorado School of Mines in 2009…”

What did he do? Get this! The borderline genius here “shot 56-year-old James Krumm,” his father, with an crossbow and then stabbed him with a knife — in his classroom! “Earlier, Krumm,” the borderline genius, “fatally stabbed his father’s girlfriend … at the home she and James Krumm shared in a quiet neighborhood about two miles from campus.” Look at this! A “borderline genius” kills with a crossbow and a knife! It’s another murder/suicide.

If it weren’t for the crossbow and the knife, they might be alive.

And I’m not through!

BREAK TRANSCRIPT

RUSH: Okay. Back we are, Rush Limbaugh, having more fun than a human being should be allowed to have, as we chronicle even more death. Try this. Just a couple of days ago a Florida women, of course, tried to kill her husband with a tuna fish sandwich. From The Examiner: “Deputies: Postal Worker Tried to Kill Husband with Poisoned Tuna Sandwich — A 37-year-old Florida woman is behind bars after she allegedly tried to kill her husband by poisoning him with a tuna sandwich.

“Beth Dickison Richards, who is reportedly employed as a mail carrier for the US Postal Service, confessed to the attempted poisoning (post-Miranda), claiming that she crushed up Trazodone pills and laced her husbandÂ’s tuna sandwich. … During the arrest, Polk County deputies also found a pouch of cannabis in Beth RichardsÂ’ room, which she reportedly admitted belonged to her, adding to her list of charges.” So she now faces charges of attempted first degree murder with a tuna sandwich and possession of marijuana. And, see, I don’t know, if you ban tuna fish, Trazodone, marijuana, none of this woulda happened. Well, the husband would not have gotten sick.

“The wife of a New York City man who was pushed onto subway tracks to his death by a mumbling stranger says she and her husband had argued before the tragedy. Ki-Suck Han of Queens died at a hospital shortly after being hit by a train Monday at the Times Square subway station. His widow tells the New York Post she tried to call him after their fight, but he never picked up.” So apparently she hired somebody to push him in front of the train. Maybe not? We don’t know. Well, all we know is this. If the subway train hadn’t been running, Ki-Suck Han would be alive today. That’s the bottom line. No subway, no Ki-Suck Han dead. It’s no more complicated than that. If I know one thing, I know that. No crossbow, no knife, the guy wouldn’t have gotten killed in the classroom.

Las Vegas. Not through here, folks. “A jury in Las Vegas has handed down a sentence of life in prison without the possibility of parole for a 25-year-old convicted of stabbing a man to death in a karaoke bar over a $10,000 gambling debt.” Hit man with a knife. A hit man with a knife! This just can’t happen. Hit men use guns. You know, in every one of these death stories, got eight of them here, no gun involved. Subways, tuna fish sandwich, PCP-laced marijuana, crossbows, knives, subway cars.

One more here? Yes. Grants Pass, Oregon. Isn’t this fun? “David Oliver Relin, co-author of the best-selling book ‘Three Cups of Tea,’ said in legal filings about a year before his recent suicide that his career suffered from allegations of lies in the story of a humanitarian who built schools in Pakistan and Afghanistan. Relin killed himself in the rural community of Corbett near Portland last month,” according to the medical examiner. He died of a blunt force head injury that he inflicted upon himself. Suicide by blunt force. “Neither he nor RelinÂ’s family would provide details of his death. His body was found along railroad tracks running along the Columbia River where a rural road passes over the tracks and Interstate 84.” Blunt force suicide.

By the way, one correction. Jovan Belcher did spend four hours in the other woman’s apartment. I had it wrong. Yeah. Apparently Jovan Belcher did spend some time there. He did go into the woman’s apartment. After he was woken up in his Bentley, he spent four hours with her. He took her home. He went out to his Bentley, fell asleep, woke up, went back into her house. He was there until about five or 5:30 in the morning and then went home.

Raleigh, North Carolina. “Prison officials in North Carolina are calling for a criminal investigation after six inmates alleged correctional officers forced them to rub habanero hot sauce on their genitals, resulting in painful blisters.” But they are still alive. They are still alive. So in this story of mayhem and murder and suicide and death, the hot habanero sauce trick on the genitals has left people alive. Not dead. Ndamukong Suh might be interested in that during his next NFL game. Detroit Lions defensive tackle.