"I'm trying to sound more unsure of myself as a way of expanding the audience. A little bit less confident so as to be less threatening. Squishy. Well, yeah, funnier, squishier, less threatening, less confident, more indecisive, seems to be the stuff that gets rewarded today."
"You have to realize, the country has a lot of what we call low-information people. In the old days you'd call 'em morons. Today they're the people running the country."
"There's not a Republican around who wants anybody's taxes to go up. The Democrats do. The Democrats and Obama, they're the only people that want your taxes to go up. And not just the taxes on the rich. They want everybody's taxes to go up and everybody's taxes are gonna go up."
"There is no middle ground. There really isn't any way that a compromise can be reached here because the things that both sides want have nothing in common."
"There will be no spending cuts that anybody on the Democrat side agrees to. There just will not be. No way, no how."
"The Republicans are holding out for the president agreeing to spending cuts. This is akin to asking him to resign. He is no more going to resign than he is going to agree to spending cuts. The Democrat Party is all about spending."
"What the White House wants the nation's morons -- ahem, low-information voters -- to believe is that we would not have a deficit or a national debt if the rich were paying their fair share."
"What has happened in Chicago cumulatively makes what happened in Newtown look like chump change. I'm not kidding, folks."
"I wouldn't be surprised if by the time legislative bodies get around to serious legislation infringing on the Second Amendment, the emotional pitch that exists today will have evaporated. It will have dissipated, in effect, and there will be less energy associated with it, and the end result is that probably very little will change."
"I tell you this, ladies and gentlemen, so that you will know unequivocally: There is no amount of money being held by the so-called rich that, if it were all transferred to government, would make an iota's worth of difference in a government that overspends and a debt that's being racked up. There just isn't enough money on the table that we're talking about here."
"There's a reason why the rich are called the top 2%. There aren't very many of them, folks. They're only the top two, the top 1%. And the idea that 98% of the country is not going to have a tax increase under this president is absurd."
"The Republicans are not proposing tax cuts, and neither is President Obama. When he talks about tax cuts for the middle class as part of the deal, all he means is that the current tax rates will not go up for the middle class. But nobody is getting a tax cut."
"The objective of Fast and Furious was to create the very emotional pitch people experienced after what happened in Newtown on Friday. That is exactly what Fast and Furious was intended to do, was to create that kind of reaction all over the country. It didn't."
"I know that many of you think the Republicans are an order of fries short of a Happy Meal, and you may be right. But the fact of the matter is that the Democrats do not and will not permit a deal where the Republicans win anything, literally, strategically, PR-wise, it isn't going to happen. The Republicans ought to know this. That's the frustrating thing, even for the new squishy me."