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The News from Low-Information America

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RUSH:  Get this!  "A Bronx health clinic is promoting its services with a new video featuring Santa Claus distributing free needles and condoms. CitiWide Harm Reduction posted the video titled 'Santa Passes Out Clean Needles for Christmas,' on its website for the holiday season. The video features not only Santa, but also clinic workers dressed like elves dancing to Jose Feliciano's 'Feliz Navidad' with various needles, drug kits and condoms. CitiWide is a needle-exchange program that offers drug users clean needles and other products to help combat HIV and hepatitis C. The program also provides various support services to the community, such as counseling and testing."

So there you have it, ladies and gentlemen.

Santa Claus is distributing needles and comes in the Bronx in a health clinic video. 

"That's right, Mr. Limbaugh, and that is a sign of a compassionate society.  This is the kind of public community service program that we all need, Mr. Limbaugh. You are mocking them, and you are prepared to make fun of 'em, but this is exactly what the American people need."  I don't doubt it.  I mean, there's obviously a demand for this.  Santa Claus, clean needles, and condoms.

(interruption)

What did they do before Santa showed up? 

Somebody else gave 'em away. 

They just weren't dressed up like Santa Claus. 

By the way, Tim Tebow has broken up with his girlfriend.  Camilla Belle is her name.  This is from USA Today.  This is big news in USA Today. "The only way December can get worse for Tim Tebow is if it turns out the Mayans were right. In the same week the New York Jets backup was..." (interruption) Did Tebow and the girlfriend consummate their relationship? How would I know that?  I haven't dug deep as it were to find out whether or not. (interruption)

No, it's not in the story.  But Us Weekly (one of our favorite magazines here, by the way) learned that their relationship just didn't work out.  Now, the woman, Camilla Belle and Tebow "were said to be dating after they were seen 'holding hands' and 'touching' at an October party in Jacksonville. Belle had been featured in films like The Chumscrubber and I Brake for Gringos." Those are her two big claims to fame.  (interruption)

I'm sure they're on Blu-ray.  What do you mean, "Are they on Blu-ray?"  Not only are they on Blu-ray, they're probably on Apple TV for download and Amazon Prime.  I'll bet you could find it about Hulu (yes, I know about all this) and Netflix, and if you want I could probably direct you to some of the sites where you can download the stuff as a pirate.  I know the piracy sites. 

So if you don't want to pay for The Chumscrubber, if you don't want to pay for I Brake For Gringos, there are ways to get them. Anyway, Tebow has split up with this actress. I don't know who did the splitting up.  The story doesn't say.  But I do remember that it wasn't many weeks ago that a story was out that Tebow had taken her home to meet his parents.  And you know when a Christian takes a girlfriend or boyfriend home, that's serious. 

That's what USA Today says.

That's what the media says. 

From E! Online, ladies and gentlemen: "Wiz Khalifa and Amber Rose have a baby boy on the way -- and they're already thinking about teaching him the ways of the world. Or the ways of their world, anyway! Asked during an exclusive sit-down with E! News if getting ready for their son's arrival included making certain changes to his lifestyle, particularly in the marijuana-use department, Khalifa told us, 'Not as far as that goes. ...

"Our son is just going to know that daddy likes to smoke,'" and if their son wants to smoke dope, he's going to. "Of course," he said, "I'm not going to be smoking right there over the baby, because smoke in general and being high is not good for a kid. None of that. But definitely he's going to know what [reefer] is -- and he'll know the difference between being a child and not being able to use it and being an adult and knowing how to use it. ...

"Our son is just going to know that daddy likes to smoke."  That's Wiz Khalifa and Amber Rose. Amber Rose is the female, in case you didn't know.  Wiz Khalifa is the father. (interruption) Who are these people?  These are celebrities, Snerdley.  These are the people that make the country work.  These are the people around whom many people's lives resolve. 

David Beckham has bought his wife, Victoria Beckham, Olivia von Halle silk pajamas for Christmas.  Right here it is at E! Entertainment Online.  "What do you give the woman who has everything? You can't go wrong with a few staples that are both sensible and stylish. Even adorable David Beckham understands this unspoken rule, and put his good taste to work while doing some stealth holiday shopping for Victoria this week.

"The soccer star reportedly phoned in an order to Harrods in the UK, requesting not one, but two pairs of dreamy silk pajamas by Olivia von Halle." They cost around $500 each, but we're talking Posh here.  She's worth it! This is big news to many Americans, Snerdley, and I'm just letting them know that I know that it's happening.  David Beckham.  Now, naturally, when I see a story like this, the first thing I ask is, "How did E! Online find out?" 

Did somebody at Harrods call E! Online and say, "You know, we just got a call from David Beckham and he just bought his wife, Posh, a couple of $500 pairs of pajamas -- oh, and, by the way, here's the designer name"?  Or did Beckham's PR people call E! Online and say, "Beckham just got off the phone"? (interruption) What?  That's the wife's name.  Posh Spice.  Where have you been?  She was a Spice Girl! She was Posh Spice. 

Victoria Beckham was Posh Spice, and now she wears Olivia von Halle silk pajamas, at $500 a pair bought for her by her thoughtful (you wouldn't know about this) husband who bought them on his own. Not some assistant, on his own, 'cause he really cares. He called Harrods on the phone and ordered them himself for $500 a pair, and E! Entertainment network found out about it.  It's a big story!  You go to the E! Online website like I did and you'll see it right there. 

"When Anne Hathaway took to the red carpet in a fab [sic] pair of faux leather Tom Ford knee-high gladiator sandals for the New York premiere of Les Miserables last week, it was the first time many of us had ever heard of vegan footwear." This is also from E! Online.  Do you realize how big this is? Anne Hathaway was in The Dark Knight Rises!  She apparently gave the performance of her lifetime in Les Mis, which opens on Christmas Day.  Did you know that? (interruption) You didn't know that?

I do.  She wore sandals, gladiator sandals. You know what that is?  They're sandals all the way up to the knee, Snerdley, and they're vegan.  They are vegan footwear.  "[I]t turns out, the hard-core vegan has been rocking custom-made cruelty-free kicks for quite some time. In fact, when filming the [movie], Hathaway made sure all of her character's shoes were vegan-friendly, too." This also from E! Entertainment Online.

Now, before you people ask, "What the hell's going on?" what I want you to stop and realize is that the people who elected Barack Obama find this fascinating.  The fact that Anne Hathaway cares enough about the planet and animals to make sure that only vegan footwear was worn in all of her scenes in Les Mis is the kind of thing that makes a tremendous impact, a positive PR statement.

Anne Hathaway cares. 

She cares about the plants, she cares about animals, she's a compassionate soul, and she's a wonderful person -- and she votes Obama.  You see how this works?  Now, we were talking the "low-information voter."  A low-information voter is actually a "high-liberal information voter."  Most brains are finite in terms of the amount of data they can hold, and the low-information voter is chock-full of this kind of stuff. 

There just isn't much room left for Plan B, deficits, tax cuts, economic matters, and the country going to hell in a handbasket (even though there's a shortage of handbaskets). There's just not room for that stuff because Anne Hathaway or David Beckham is in there. Now, seriously, do you ever wonder how does that make news?  How does that end up at E! Online?  Did Beckham call Harrods?  Did Harrods call E! Online? 

Did Beckham call E! Online?  Did Posh Spice call and say, "Look what I got," and then some editor said, "Yeah, this is big news: David Beckham bought his wife two pair of PJs at five-hundred bucks a pair," and they make a big story out of it?  This is media.  This is media in 2012.  This is pop culture, entertainment media.  Chris Brown. Do you know who Chris Brown is? (interruption) Okay, now we're talking. 

Now we're talking about somebody that Snerdley knows.  "Chris Brown is in Amsterdam -- and to prove it, he took photos of himself inside one of the city's famous 'Coffee Shops' with THREE joints in his mouth at the same damn time. Brown and some of his boys documented their marathon weed smoking session on their Instagram accounts -- advising the public, 'dont [sic] worry, its [sic] medicinal.'" This is from TMZ. 

"Justin Bieber Accused of Animal Cruelty ... By Hamster Organization -- Justin Bieber issued a DEATH SENTENCE to his pet hamster PAC when he gave it away to a screaming fan (who promised to love and cherish it forever) outside of a concert earlier this month ... this according to the California Hamster Association... TMZ spoke to a rep for the group ... who tells us Bieber committed an act of 'animal cruelty' when he gifted away the animal ... even if his intentions were good.

"The CHA tells us ... hamsters are fragile creatures that 'often succumb quickly to illness and death,' especially when faced with 'sudden environmental change,'" and Bieber didn't care! Bieber was heartless. He thought he was doing good by doing something nice for a fan, but he was sentencing the hamster to death, and it's all over TMZ that Bieber has no respect for animals; that Bieber is a harmless, cold you-know-what. 

"'The moment that hamster was handed off to a screaming girl in a harsh, frenzied environment was likely the moment it gazed at the short path to its doom.' DOOM!!!!!! So what should Bieber have done instead? The CHA says if Justin no longer wanted the pet, he could have left it in the care of an animal shelter or rescue center," instead of some stupid fan at a concert.

"As for [the hamster] PAC, he's currently alive and well in the care of Bieber's 18-year-old super-fan Tori ... who has vowed to treat the animal like a tiny rodent god." This from TMZ:  "Lindsay [Lohan] REFUSED to Kiss Charlie [Sheen] ... Because His Mouth Grossed Her Out." This was during "their Scary Movie bedroom scene, but she ultimately refused to do it because of Charlie's wild partying past." This is hot off the press at TMZ.  You see what we're all missing, folks? 

Do you see the earth-shattering stuff your kids know and you don't? 

END TRANSCRIPT

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