"Great presidents don't just fight good fights -- they win them."
"I don't want to threaten anybody, but I'm just going to tell you that in order to have women in combat, they're going to have to lower qualification standards. There's simply no way around that."
"Obama won, so his supporters are saying, 'Who says he can't do what he wants to do?' Well, there's this thing called the Constitution."
"It's a major, major statement for the DC circuit to essentially tell the president of the United States that he has abused his power -- and this is not going to sit well with the White House, folks."
"I looked up at the TV and saw this graphic at the bottom of the screen: 'Sandy victims shiver in Northeast without heat'. Now, I'm being dead serious with you: I thought that everything had been fixed. I mean, everybody involved at the government level said they were going to expedite things and get it all fixed."
"Has Bruce Springsteen done anything for the Sandy victims? He cares a lot. I know that. I remember him saying so."
"I talk to you about Gawker now and then; it's a website -- a blog -- oriented toward gay issues. It's quite ribald. I'm not advocating you go to it, but I like the Gawker guys. They have a running back and forth with me."
"Obama made global warming a major part of his immacural address -- so what's wrong with a little cold weather, then? If there's global warming, shouldn't everybody be breathing a sigh of relief at the cold snap?"
"You're telling me the Four Seasons had an NAALCP convention and expected to get paid? What kind of bias is that?"
"Two years after this momentous, wonderful, beautiful explosion of democracy, the Arab Spring -- Tahrir Square -- has apparently fallen apart. Now it's just violence, protests, and people shooting each other with guns. Yes, they still have guns in Egypt. They haven't banned them yet. It's a shame."
"Smokers are among the most hated people in our country, even though I think they deserve a medal. Well, the sales tax revenue from cigarette sales is funding child health care."
"So Obama's going to regulate guns and extend gay rights. Yep! Hell of an agenda! Man, that is an agenda of greatness! Why, that's an agenda they're going to be writing about in the history books! Who the hell was Lincoln, anyway?"
"It's comical to listen to the abject, proud, raise-your-hand-high-in-the-air ignorance of people like Piers Morgan."
"We, as a nation, really fulfilled our destiny under President Obama. We saved the planet! We fortified the middle class! We protected entitlements! And we extended gay rights! Who could possibly measure up to any of that? Why, there hasn't been a president with this amount of courage and vision in I-don't-know when. Maybe ever."
"Manuel Noriega's face looks like a pockmarked grapefruit."