"I heard Ray Lewis killed the lights last night. Well, it was just alleged -- never established."
"Did you watch the halftime show, Snerdley? Let me tell you something. You know, I marvel at people's talent, and Beyonce has it. That was the most high energy Super Bowl halftime show I've ever seen."
"Snerdley's back after a vacation... a vacation spent in a bed and in the hospital."
"I found it highly ironic that the team with the most luggage when it comes to gay rights happened to be the one from San Francisco."
"The right way to look at Obamacare is: one way or the other, the government is going to get your money."
"Imagine if they could send you to retraining if all you did was say you're sick and tired of seeing the Kardashians on TV every day."
"I've always had a problem with the National Anthem presented as a funeral dirge. That's a song that you play up tempo: you are proud, you are excited -- you belt that baby out!"
"Holy cow, is that Bill Richardson? That's Bill Richardson. He's gone all gray. Must be some political advantage to that."
"One of the core beliefs of liberals is that you just don't know what's best for you -- but they do."
"So Obama would maybe perhaps not let his imaginary son play football, but he'll send your daughter or son off to combat in Afghanistan or Iraq. Okay."
"Journalists uncovered the fact that Dan Marino, the former quarterback of the Miami Dolphins, had a love child six or seven years ago with a CBS employee. Hey, would you guys try to find out what happened in Benghazi?"
"If pornography opens you up to gay sex, the Go Daddy spot may turn you off to heterosexual sex."
"The ultimate objective of Obamacare is single payer, government-run health care, but they can't do that overnight -- people wouldn't accept it."
"How many people think Obamacare's free? How many people think that Obamacare is this massive new entitlement that's not going to cost them anything? Yet under Obamacare, even the uninsured are going to be paying a minimum of $2400 a year."
"I thought, Snerdley, that you'd look at that Go Daddy commercial and maybe think it would give you hope and you'd like it."