"It's amazing how expensive health care is once it's free."
"This is one of those cigars I'm going to have to keep drawing on to keep lit. You ever had one of those? You almost get a hernia smoking the thing. So I probably ought to just pitch it and go get a new one, but it tastes good -- that's the dilemma."
"It's not possible for a Democrat to be involved in a sex scandal because the Democrat's life is a sex scandal. It just isn't news."
"What the Tea Party people now realize is that they have two political forces gunning for them: Obama and the Democrats and the Republican establishment."
"Sylvia was a seminar caller. Sorry about that, folks. She's from New Jersey. She's well known. But you see, Snerdley is a sucker for people who tell him they love me."
"You can trust what I tell you. You can trust the predictions, folks. I know the kind of people we're talking about."
"The Republican Party sought in no way to capitalize on the birth of the Tea Party, its growth, its energy, and its electoral prowess. They sought to minimize and diminish it, in fact, and they continue to do so."
"On the establishment Republican side, they don't see the country's at risk. We've had deficits before, national debt before. The numbers are just bigger, but there really isn't any crisis here, to them. They're not interested in a serious decentralization of government. Rather, they are more interested in controlling the levers of power."
"I get blamed for things I haven't done, and I don't get credit for things I do say and do. It's really cockeyed, folks."
"Seems like every day a new Republican goes to the microphones to offer an opinion about what they need to do in order to reverse their fortunes. Well, I think it's time they stopped telling everybody what they need to do and just do it."
"Freedom equals responsibility, and that's a hard sell. There's a lot of easier choices out there right now, what with Obama in the White House and the current make up of the Democrat Party."
"They may never get there, but the Republicans are going to have to realize that if they are to prevail, they are going to have to engage in a political fight that results in the defeat of the Democrat Party -- not bipartisanship."
"The guy in the Go Daddy commercial kissing Bar Refaeli... that may as well be Bob Menendez to me."
"The 2012 election is going to prove to be the most devastating election result in ways that we haven't even contemplated yet. I mean, Santa Claus trumps everything. Santa Claus trumps working. Everybody loves Santa Claus!"
"Mike, let me stop because I'm ecstatic. You have salvaged the disaster that was the phone portion of this program, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. In fact, would you like an iPad?"
"There isn't any resistance to Obama anywhere, and it's going to get even worse from this point. There's no political impetus, there's no perceived upside on the part of Republicans for standing in the way of Obama. The perception is that the people of this country love Obama. I mean, they cult-figure love this guy."
"There's this great concern in the Republican Party about the Tea Party and the fringe kooks and the pro-lifers and the anti-immigration people and the gun nuts, and the Republican Party is worried, 'Oh, my God, what are we gonna do about the gun nuts, anti-amnesty types, the anti-immigration people? What are we gonna do about these hayseeds with firearms? What are we gonna do about it?'"