"Hillary's gone, but we still have Obama and Biden and John Kerry and Chuck Hagel on the job, so you can't help but feel safe with those guys standing watch over us."
"Here's another thing that just really gnaws at me: who the hell is Keith Ellison to dictate what percentage of our income we can keep? He's a congressman from Minnesota. Big whoop. Where is the constitutional authority for some hack federal politician to judge what anybody should or shouldn't have?"
"Look, if Obama wants to take our nuclear warheads down to zero, why shouldn't Iran then ramp up? It only make things even for all of the unfair advantages that we have had since our founding."
"The one thing that we'll never have is a bald president. We're never going to have a bald president or a successful bald news anchor. If you don't have a 14-inch part in your hair, you don't have a future in television or presidential politics."
"My question is, if a White House doctor calls you a 'ticking time bomb', can Obama kill you with a drone? Well, you never know the way things are happening these days. You just never know."
"Story: 'Entitlements and Obamacare spending will compromise 53% of all federal spending over the coming decade, totaling $24.9 trillion.' Fifty-three percent! Is there an end to this? Is there ever a point reached where it just can't be sustained? That has to happen. The mathematics is what it is."
"This prime minister of Egypt, the one saying that women are causing diarrhea because they don't properly clean their breasts -- he's the second in command over there. Can you imagine the embarrassment of having a second in command who says stupid stuff like that? It's a good thing we don't have anybody like that over here. Oh, wait."
"I literally get up every day and just can't wait to get in here and get started with all this. I wish everybody could look at their job the way I look at mine. It's not a job! It's something I can't wait to do. It's such a blessing; it really is."
"I don't believe every Obama voter voted for what's happening right now and what's going to happen. I think there were other factors that led them to it, and they're going to be shocked and stunned soon. It's one of the reasons why I remain optimistic."
"Phil Mickelson got in trouble because he dared to voice what he was thinking. Phil Mickelson got in trouble because he made himself a perfect target for the left, which wants to intimidate people into accepting their policies."
"Phil Mickelson's tax money and everybody else's tax money is being irresponsibly spent. In fact, raising taxes is not even about money or raising revenue anymore. It's about punishment. It's about punishing success. It's about making sure that people do not become wealthy. It's about making sure that people cannot build a nest egg."
"The government does not produce wealth. All the government actually does is destroy it or rearrange it, but they don't produce anything."
"So here we have a member of Congress who actually wants to make the case that it is patriotic for somebody to keep only 37 cents of every dollar that he earns -- all under the false premise that we're not spending on infrastructure. This is just flat-out absurd. This is bordering on banana republic totalitarianism, this kind of thinking."
"We just authorized $50 billion for recovery efforts in the Northeast. Fifty billion! That's infrastructure. We're not short-changing anybody in this country on anything. The only people being short-changed are the people who produce."
"According to the Egyptian government's prime minister, women's unclean breasts causes diarrhea. Is this the fruit of the Arab Spring?"