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Doomberg Stole My Snowstorm Tips!

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT

RUSH: Fatalities, if any, have not yet been reported, but it's only a matter of time. It's great to have you here. It's the Excellence in Broadcasting Network, El Rushbo, with a special edition: "How to survive the eight-to-12 inches of snow that's on the way in New York and maybe 22 inches in Boston."

We are here to serve humanity and help in any way we can.  Governor Patrick in Massachusetts, I'm told that it was the ten inches that excited him, the forecast for ten inches. He has banned all automobile traffic, all vehicular traffic throughout the state on every road in the state of Massachusetts in less than two hours, as of four o'clock this afternoon.  Mayor Doomberg this afternoon was at City Hill with a phalanx of people behind him. I mean, it was like it was out there on 9/11 with Mayor Giuliani.  There were scores of people there.

And Mayor Doomberg, he stole my tips...

BLOOMBERG:  Please, do not use, uh, gas ovens or ranges to heat your homes.  That can lead to carbon monoxide poisoning, which can be fatal.  Now, as we do during all emergency weather conditions, our city has a plan of action for keeping New Yorkers safe and we've already put that plan into motion and I would like to describe a little bit about what our different city agencies are doing and stress some things that we would ask all New Yorkers to do.  The first is stay off the city streets. Stay out of your cars and stay in your homes while the worst of this storm is on us.

RUSH:  You didn't need to hear it from him. I already told you that, and my tips were better.  In my opinion, my tips were better.  Now, here's why he wants you to stay off the streets...

BLOOMBERG:  Staying off the streets will make it easier for city workers to clear the streets of snow so that emergency vehicles can use them. By keeping ourselves out of harm's way, we'll reduce the hazards our first responders have to confront as well.  Tonight what's a good idea? Cook a meal, stay home, read a good book, watch a movie, just take it easy.  Remember, there are a lot of people who are gonna be out there (snickering) shoveling the snow and trying to plow it to the side, uh, and just don't want to get in their way.

RUSH:  And many of those people are gonna overexert and die.  They shouldn't be out there in the first place.  I hope those people out there have listened to me today to find out all the layers they're supposed to wear and change frequently, because that snow is gonna turn wet. It's gonna make you cold when it gets heavier.  Ah, it's a disaster waiting to happen out there.  And you heard him.  He said, "Don't use gas ovens or ranges to heat your homes. That can lead to carbon monoxide poisoning."

That could lead you to open a window to get rid of the poisoned air, that could get freezing air come in and make you colder, and you could freeze to death.  Even if you don't open the window to stay warm, a spark or something could blow up the house and you could die in the explosion.  Tough choices.  Tough, tough choices.

END TRANSCRIPT

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