"I've seldom seen a more self-absorbed, codependent individual in utter denial than Barack Obama."
"So Obama said in his presser that all the misery, pain, and suffering that results from the sequester will be the Republicans' fault, and nobody in the media's going to challenge him on it. Well, we will."
"Did you know that P. Diddy admitted to being a bed-wetter? Don't laugh in there, Mr. Snerdley -- it's giving other people self-esteem."
"Obama came out and started his press conference today with a blatant lie. It's amazing! And the low-information voters just eat it all up. Nothing you can do about it, folks."
"You know how liberals view successful people: the successful really didn't do it on their own -- they had help. Somebody paved the way, somebody greased the skids."
"I happen to like the Gawker guys; I think they're funny. They hate me. They literally despise me. They're largely a bunch of gay guys, and they routinely make fun of me, but I just laugh. I don't know. I just like the Gawker guys. It's strange."
"Obama is very serious about not governing, and that's why he has vetoed any attempt to give him total authority over spending cuts -- because he doesn't want to attach his name to anything."
"We are watching masterful demagoguery when it comes to Barack Obama. I'll tell you: this guy is better than Bill Clinton."
"The genius of Barack Obama is that the truth never attaches itself to him. It's not that he's not held accountable, or that the media doesn't tie him anything. His genius is in his direct relationship with the people who voted for him and how he is able to convince them of anything he wants."
"So Al Roker poops in his pants at the White House and is proud of it, admits it. Rachel, did you hear about that? He admitted it on the Today show, not once, but twice!"
"Don't worry, folks: we are not going to let people forget what Obama said to the Des Moines Register last October, where he wanted the sequester, it was his idea, and that he was counting on it accomplishing his goals of causing economic harm."
"Where the American people are right now, they believe the lies told about Republicans. They don't care. And whatever the truth is about the Democrats, they don't care."
"All we can do is just keep pounding the truth: eventually, the truth will come out. Now, a lot of people don't have faith in that, but I happen to."
"There's a theory that you start the day mild and you build and build until after dinner at night, that's when you smoke the strongest cigar. That's a crock. What you should do is smoke your favorite cigar all the time."
"Human nature fascinates me."