"It's amazing the things liberals do not know, and it's amazing the things that they do know that are not right. Double whammy."
"The views expressed by the host of this program are now documented to be almost always right 99.7% of the time. I was really expecting the latest opinion audit to go up to 99.8% when I created the Limbaugh Theorem, but nope -- gotta be right a whole bunch of more times to move it even a tenth of a point."
"This gay marriage issue... if you didn't know any better, you would think that it is the only thing anybody cares about. Of course, the thing about this issue is, any time it's been on the ballot -- anywhere -- it loses big."
"I thought Pope Francis' inauguration ceremony was far more modest than Obama's, which, I guess, is fitting: the pope is not nearly as much of a religious figure as Obama is."
"We're into our fifth year of Obama, and there are people who do not yet know who the guy is. The press and the Republicans haven't done their job in telling the American people who he is."
"I have not tailored what I say to try to attract this group or that group. I just show up every day and do what I do, follow my heart and be honest, and it attracts an audience."
"Everybody loves Dr. Carson, and the reason they love Dr. Carson is because he is able to articulate and explain conservatism in a way that is persuasive without raising his voice at all. He sounds like your best buddy talking to you at a bar."
"When you tell people the government's printing money, it's: 'Oh, there's more money out there! That's cool, Mabel!' No, it's devaluing the dollar. Look, economic education this country has never been that good, but it is really woefully bad now."
"I was listening to the radio and reading and watching TV when I was in high school. What were you doing, baking?"
"People overwhelmingly oppose what Obama's doing and support conservative solutions -- until they find out it's a Republican idea. Now, why is that the case? Is it because of who they are, or is it because of what's being said about them that they haven't successfully refuted? I would suggest to you it's the latter."
"Can anybody out there name for me one time a Republican effort to rebrand something has worked, ever? I mean, every time you try to rebrand yourself, you are accepting an accusation about yourself."
"I, too, will support amnesty if the newly-made citizens cannot vote for 25 years. Well, if amnesty ever does happen with full citizenship and the right to vote, then the country becomes California politically, where Republicans don't have a prayer."
"I'm still stuck on this fat and drunk lesbian question. I can't get over this! I mean, are they drunk because they're fat, or are they fat because they're drunks?"
"There's no question that the Tea Party came out of nowhere and shocked everybody, because it's real people -- there was not a leader that the left could demonize. They're just average, ordinary people who for the first time in their lives showed up at town hall meetings, and the political establishment types did not know how to deal with it."
"Liberals never attack your policies or mine because they can't, so they assassinate our character instead."