"This thing with Beyonce is bad for her, no matter which way it goes. If she's doing a 180 on feminists, that ain't cool. But if she's also doing this Queen 'B' thing and saying to young female singers, 'You better bow down to me because I'm the top dog,' well, that's not cool, either. It's not a win-win for the for 'Bey,' as they say."
"I love my sofa. I sit on it every night, and it loves me back."
"This Beyonce thing has just blown way out of proportion. Normally, I would let this go, but it's pop culture, and as you know, we're in the middle here of a vast outreach to low information voters, and this is right up their alley."
"See, I'm not allowed in pop culture. This is like when I went to ESPN; I'm not allowed there. The Drive Bys do not like me venturing outside of my own area of expertise."
"Dr. Carson's race is part of it, because the Democrats are totally focused on race... and gender, and other surface identifiers of people. The left totally focuses on that, and they're going to be scared to death Dr. Carson's race, just like they were of Clarence Thomas'."
"I'm not eating crow; I'm not eating anything! I'm on a diet, but I'm not eating crow, specifically."
"I haven't met Dr. Carson; I only know him by virtue of the sound bites that we play here. But it's obvious he's a traditionalist. It's obvious that he's an American. I mean, above all else, this guy is an American of our founding -- that's what he is."
"I am on the cutting edge of societal evolution, folks. I was doing chop and screw mixes on this program before I even knew what it was."
"Obamacare is so massive, there isn't going to be one person who will be able to tell you what should happen and what shouldn't happen, what's legal and what isn't legal. It's too massive, it's too complicated, and there's going to be hell to pay starting next January."
"You don't need to be on Robitussin to like chop and screw music. But if you're Robo-tripping, the music makes more sense to you."
"If Ben Carson desires a political career and is successful, he is going to stand as an example: you can become whatever you want -- the best in the world at something -- and you don't have to be a Democrat or go through Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton to do it."
"The reason why the Democrats don't like up from nothing success stories that feature hard work is because they think it doesn't work for everybody, and therefore it's not fair."
"It's the case that wherever we go in our culture, if somebody is offended by something, it must stop. Well, apparently not. If a Christian is offended, tough toenails. If a conservative is offended, too bad. Get used to it."
"King Abdullah of Jordan just said Syrian refugees are costing him $500 billion and Obama said, 'That's okay. We'll give you $200 billion to help defer it.' What happened to the sequester?"
"I was in Pittsburgh in the seventies. I will never forget it. I'm probably still screwed up from those years because I came of age then -- it has forever tainted me in the way I deal with women."
"Back in the fifties, Beyonce would have not had to say 'bow down' -- women just did it."