"Can you imagine what woulda happened if a bunch of people had taken to the streets in this country to celebrate the death of Ted Kennedy? If they had engaged in violent civil disobedience and started throwing death parties, can you imagine the reaction that would have happened?"
"All of this terrible foreign policy news is coming out during the same week where it is being announced that Hillary Clinton has been given a $14 million advance to have somebody ghostwrite her memoirs of her brilliant time as secretary of state, $14 million."
"Gays now think it's not fair they can't have babies, so they're calling that "infertility," and it will require mandatory health insurance because of it. I know they're not infertile but that doesn't matter; they can't have babies. Even after they're married, they can't do it -- and that's not fair to them"
"This Friday is our annual leukemia radiothon to cure the blood cancers, Leukemia and Lymphoma. We do it annually, and you all have been great over the years. You have stepped up like no other audience has. The amount of money that's been raised, donated, generated by these radiothons is huge. We do it one day a year. We don't even devote the whole show to it."
"If a book by Hillary Clinton earns $14 million, I, for one, will be shocked."
"What we're gonna hear is how mean these guys in McConnell's office were in talking about Ashley Judd, who everybody loves, she's a great actress, she's very cute, she's married to the race car driver, and these mean white Republicans, look at what they were planning for her. That's what's gonna end up here."
"Where is anything in a book that anybody would want to read about Mrs. Clinton's tenure as secretary of state? What are her monuments? North Korea, Iran, Benghazi, Latin America. Somebody give me a foreign policy success story."
"Liberals have been operating on the theory that a massive majority of Americans support everything they want to do. They are learning that that isn't the case. Not that it will matter, not that it will stop them, but it still has them discombobulated. It just means they're gonna have to take another route to get what they want."
"What they're getting at here is that infertility coverage for heterosexual couples, it's not fair that coverage is not available to gay couples. And you say, 'Wait a minute, gay couples are not infertile. They just, by definition, can't have baby.' Doesn't matter."
"Will the American people want to vote for somebody, a woman, and actually watch a woman get older before their eyes on a daily basis?"
"That's the working title of Mrs. Clinton's time as secretary of state, 'What Difference Did I Make? How I passed off my utter failures to John Kerry. Is everybody feeling better now?'"
"It's getting harder and harder to watch what passes for news and all that on cable networks when it's just an endless parade of stupidity and ignorance. So I watch real mayhem and murder: Game of Thrones."
"A father and son marriage would be a pretty clever way of avoiding estate tax upon the death of the father."
"I have been asked this frequently on the golf course after sinking a long put and saving a hole. Is it wrong to love another man? Of course not. It's not. And is it wrong to love your son, marry your son, to avoid paying taxes? Of course the people that would probably do this are people on the left who want everybody to pay more taxes."
"I have a question about gay infertility. 'If the treatments work, how do we deal with gay abortions?' Can there be gay abortions if there's no...? Gee, I'm confused."
"Nobody's gonna come to Mrs. Clinton and say, "Mrs. Clinton, the book didn't sell quite as well as they thought and we want some of the $14 million back." It's not gonna happen."
"In the list of quotes of great presidents, can you see this one? 'Let's make it a little harder for our kids to get gunned down.'"
"Do you think the existence of guns is what drove Adam Lanza into that classroom? Or could it be the kid was zoned out on drugs that maybe he didn't need to be on? Could it just be that the kid was just mentally ill and ought not to have been walking around free as a bird?"
"Once again, we have a series of tragedies being utilized and purely politicized by the Democrat Party for the express advancement of their agenda -- which is grow government and less freedom for every citizen. That's what this is about."
"The language doesn't mean anything anymore, folks. Truth doesn't mean anything anymore."
"You know, most societies die of suicide, not attack. Most societies wipe themselves out and it's interesting to read about the last days of past civilizations. You'll note that the last days of past civilizations were filled with idiotic, irrational ideas and behaviors that couldn't be explained by reason."
"Highly illegal? Nothing is illegal in entrapping Republicans. Nothing is illegal in exposing Republicans. Nothing is illegal in exposing conservatives for who and what they really are."
"Words mean things? No, they don't. Not anymore. 'Marriage' doesn't mean what it means. 'Infertility' now doesn't mean what it meant, and any number of words."
"So I'm watching CNN. It says here that Halle Berry has decided to fight hunger. That's all it says. What is she gonna do, start gorging herself? What does that mean? If I were gonna fight hunger, I'd start eating"