"Obama puts women in these positions, and they're all insulated. Not only the women, but the institutions they run, immune from any criticism. It's actually quite brilliant."
"Who are the real reactionaries? Mainstream freaking Republicans. Democrats say, 'We need amnesty.' Republicans respond 'Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we do! Uh, well, maybe a smarter way, but, yeah, yeah.' The Republicans are the ones who are always reacting. Whatever the Democrats say, Republicans react and just snap to."
"Major media today is designed to tell you and me every day that we don't count, that we are hardly worth even laughing at, much less being paid attention to. Major media every day, if you don't know how to deal with it, will depress you."
"I am Mr. Optimism. I am the epitome of optimism. But I also am the mayor of Realville, and so my optimism is always tempered with reality. And my optimism always prevails, meaning whatever negative is going on out there, I believe eventually and in time it could be overcome."
"The media is never going to change. All the Republican Party wants to do is be more like Democrats. And anybody thinking anything else is living in fantasy land."
"The IRS scandal is huge. It originated in Washington, and it's all about Obama targeting his enemies."
"If there's one flaw in my coup analogy -- and it's a minor flaw, and I'm willing to admit my flaws -- but if there's one flaw in my coup analogy, it's that regimes don't do coups against themselves. But that just goes to show the Limbaugh Theorem. Obama could do a coup on himself and not get blamed for it."
"You people that listen to this program every day, this program is optimistic, upbeat, hopeful, can-do, can-be, what we want to happen. Reactionary? I know that's a hit on talk radio, and again, this whole notion, reactionary, folks, is simply a code word used by people to taint mainstream conservatives as extremists. It is a word that Karl Marx came up with. So reactionary means, what? The Democrats say something, and we react to it and refuse to accept it, and we create the impression that we're not agreeable people and that we're not bipartisan and so forth."
"You can trace the problems with accepting personal responsibility, no consequences for your actions, you can trace so much right back to abortion. And I'm not talking about the women. I'm talking the overall effect of a society having literally no problem with eliminating 52 million of its citizens. That can't be good."
"I don't know how you can have so much white guilt over slavery 150 years ago and have no guilt over what's happening with abortion."
"Every nude photo that you have sexted, the government has it."
"I'm gonna say this again. This isn't anything new. Nothing is going to happen to Obama. Nothing is going to happen to any Democrat. Not one of these scandals is going to lead to an investigation that ends up meaning anything."
"We need 52 million people that we don't have. We need the taxes of 52 million people that don't exist. They were conceived. They were going to be born, but something happened, and they're not here, but we need 'em. Our birthrate is not at replacement levels. That's what he means by this fertility business. It's not a matter of fertility. It's a matter of abortion."
"The IRS was spying on the Tea Party. The IRS was harassing the Tea Party. The IRS suppressed the political participation of the Tea Party. The fix? A diversity and inclusion specialist to help guide remaining IRS employees in fairness so that no more will Tea Party people be discriminated against, and that is it."
"The wrong people are being profiled. But really, are we the wrong people? What is this regime doing? This regime is attempting to eliminate all opposition."
"You know, the last two, three days I've been saying that I want to find a pathway to the shadows, and Snerdley said, 'Go to a mosque.'"