"Why didn't they get Kathy Bates to play Hillary?"
"Snerdley wants to know on this sugar daddy website, 'How much loot does it take to be a sugar daddy?' See, Snerdley, if you have to ask that, then you can't be one."
"The Weiner Stack is growing. His fortunes are shrinking."
"Politicians kept running on and kept getting elected on this notion, "We have to reduce our dependence on foreign oil." Well, now the last three or four years we've had a chance to do that in a major way, a number of major ways, and we're not doing it. And the same people who would campaign on that slogan and made us believe they meant that slogan, now when it's time to make that slogan reality, there is no desire to do it."
"Saudi Prince Alwaleed bin Talal says that fracking is a threat to his kingdom, he's telling the truth, absolutely right."
"You want to be scared? Do you know what fear is? You think you know what fear is. I'm gonna tell you what fear is. I'm going to tell you something that's gonna make you live fear. The Congressional Black Caucasians have recommended Sheila Jackson Lee be the new secretary for Homeland Security. I am not joking. I am scared to death."
"These people who profess they have no interest in politics and don't like it are being totally dominated by it unknowingly."
"Ladies and gentlemen, the National Football League is going to be shocked to learn that I am a spokesman."
"I did an hour and 20 minutes nonstop with Greta today for her TV show, and there are a couple of things I said that you have not heard me say before."
"The popular conventional wisdom was that Hillary was gonna be not just the nominee, but the president. I had executives at Fox News tell me in dire tones, 'There is an 80% chance,' this is 2006 or 2007, 'that Hillary Clinton is gonna be the next president,' and I never bought it."
"You know, honest to God, folks, I am blown away by this hatred for me that's out there. I mean, I can understand people disagreeing with me, but the hatred these people have, all based on the fact that I'm polarizing? I'm not polarizing. Everybody listening to this program agrees with me. "
"There is not a groundswell to change the name of the Washington franchise. A groundswell is made to appear to be taking place by the media. The media is running around acting all offended, and then demanding that somebody do something. Eighty percent of the American people are not offended by it, and are not bothered by it."
"It seems like this country has gone from a constitutional representative republic to a banana republic overnight, while none of us were looking. All it took was the election of a Democrat."
"Bradley Manning aided the enemy. He's been found not guilty of it. He was acquitted of the most serious charge."
"The Clintons are offended because -- I mean, they're just offended that Weiner would attempt to elevate himself to the same vaunted perch that Clinton occupies."