"From John Kerry, we've learned that size really does matter. After all these years -- I'm 62 years old -- I finally now learn that size matters."
" Look, I hate to be a cynic, but with these people it's practically impossible, and I would wager, seriously, that whatever chemical weapons that Bashar Assad might have are now on their way to Hezbollah. They're just being moved off site, but to a Syrian ally. We have no way of finding out where they go. We've got no way of knowing."
"I just sit here and I literally don't have the words to describe the various ways in which this regime is being perceived by the rest of the world."
"Not only do I think that we should not shut down the country on 9/11, which is what the terrorists were trying to do, I think everybody ought to go to work. Have memorials all you want, but don't shut down the country. That's they what were trying to do."
"I must ask: Who has talked about a fundamental transformation of America? Oh, wait. We know that. That would be Barack Obama. Now, most low-information people heard that, and they were clueless. They had no idea that "fundamentally transforming the United States of America" meant turning the Constitution of the United States on its head. They had no idea that "transforming the United States of America" meant getting rid of capitalism and replacing it with socialism."
"It's okay if conventional weapons, apparently, are used on children, 'cause they are being used on the children now. Bashar's back to using conventional bombs and bullets and everything else, but it's okay because he's not using the evil chemical weapons. We fixed that."
"You may not want to believe me, but the Democrat Party and the American left has a problem with patriotism because they know it steers people away from them. Democrats have a problem with people who love America."
"The liberal ideology is based on America is at fault, America is to blame, America is unjust, America is immoral from its founding. This is what animates Obama."
"I remember Obama's first pitch at a Washington Nationals game. It wasn't a particularly good throw."
"Unbridled displays of love of country and patriotism make liberals nervous."
"Hillary has defined patriotism as having the guts to admit your country's wrong. Patriotism is the guts to realize when your country has made mistakes. Patriotism is the right to dissent against your own country. Patriotism is understanding where your country needs to improve. Their patriotism is rooted in guilt. They give themselves gold stars for being honest about what's wrong with this country, and yet that is the patriotism, admitting what's wrong and admitting it's flawed and then claiming to want to fix it."
"Liberals think they can perfect everything. They can perfect what's wrong with, say, racists, what's wrong with bigots, or they can fix what's wrong with America. If it isn't perfect, there's something wrong with it, and then they are needed. That's their call to action is when there isn't perfection. It's all part of their utopian fantasy, that there is perfection out there, and that only they are capable of finding it, discovering it, and maintaining it."
"Folks, I gotta be honest. At my age, and with my degree of professionalism and the heights that I've achieved, there aren't too many challenges left in this business for me. I mean, I've conquered everything I've done -- TV, all that. But I had never done this, so I was jazzed. It was fun."
"Every time I see a picture of Putin, he has a got this stone face. I don't know how he's doing it. He's gotta be Botoxed to keep from laughing. I don't know how Putin is not laughing hysterically every time he's on TV. He had to call Pelosi and ask, "How do you do it?" or Kerry. "How do you do it?" They never smile. Well, Botox. It freezes you right up there. And the more you take, the longer it lasts."
"Apple does not market to poor people. They're not interested in it."