San Francisco Chronicle Won't Use Name "Redskins"
RUSH: Big news out of San Francisco today. "The San Francisco Chronicle will stop using the name 'Redskins' for the Washington, DC, NFL team." The managing editor Audrey Cooper has confirmed this to The Politico. Now, there's no word on what they're going to say instead of Redskins, but I've got an idea. It's San Francisco. Given the readership of the San Francisco Chronicle, maybe they could just rename the team the Foreskins. San Francisco is where all kinds of operations -- you know, the addadictomy, the chopadictomy -- are paid for by taxpayers. I think if they just changed the name to the Foreskins instead of the Redskins it might actually be appreciated by the readership.
San Francisco's also the home of the NOCIRC movement. Remember that? The National Organization of Circumcision Information Resource Centers. Folks, have you not heard of this? Folks, this goes back to when I was in Sacramento. There actually is a group of people, and they're thriving. NOCIRC, National Organization of Circumcision Information Resource Centers. It's a group that wants to stamp out circumcision. They don't like it. Can you imagine the guy that runs it? This is always what amazes me. There are people that run NOCIRC. Can you imagine asking the guy, "What did you want to do, Barry, when you were 10, when you were 15?" (doing kid impression) "I want to grow up and I want to lead an organization against circumcision."
How does it happen that somebody ends up running an organization like that? I mean, they've got videotapes; they've got posters and so forth. I think the Chronicle should simply call 'em the Washington Foreskins. It'd go right along there with NOCIRC. It would match up great with their readership. (interruption) No, no, no, no, no. "Third and long," yes, it has another meaning. Don't take me there. That's not what this is about.
We're trying to keep this clean.
Remember, now, children are paying attention.
Don't take me there.
Oxford Researches Women with Big Butts
RUSH: From Elite Daily: "Scientists from the University of Oxford have discovered..." Oxford, folks, Oxford is highbrow. You think Oxford, you think the pinnacle of intellectualism and elitism. They've been studying women's derrieres at Oxford, and they have discovered "that women with larger than average butts are not only increasingly intelligent but also very resistant to chronic illnesses." Oxford University has made this discovery. Sir Mix-a-Lot was way ahead of the curve. I mean, Sir Mix-a-Lot, he had no idea how far ahead of the curve -- he was the curve! But he has no idea how far ahead of the curve he was.
"According to ABC News, the results found that women with bigger backsides tend to have lower levels of cholesterol and are more likely to produce hormones to metabolize sugar. Therefore, women with big butts are less likely to have diabetes or heart problems. And having a big butt requires an excess of Omega 3 fats, which have been proven to catalyze brain development. The researchers also found that the children born to women with wider hips are intellectually superior to the children of slimmer, less curvy mothers."
Who knew? Who would even think to study something like this? ABC News: "Professor Konstantinos Manolopoulos, who leads the team at the University of Oxford, says that women with more fat on the buttocks have lower levels of cholesterol and glucose. ... And women with bigger butts, wider hips, and smaller waists may live longer as well as producing smarter offspring."
Now, when you travel the country, do you see any evidence of this being borne out? Anecdotally? You do? You do? (laughing) Snerdley wants to get in on the study, the field research. The study's already over, the field research is done. I'm just saying, the part here about "children born to women with wider hips are intellectually superior to the children of slimmer, less curvy mothers," how in the world...? Do you see any evidence of that? (interruption) That's what I meant. It would kind of be tough to figure out, but anecdotally, I mean, off the top of your head... I guess we know now what Bill Clinton was studying at Oxford. (interruption) What? Well, that's right. The social X-rays, exactly right.
Thinner women are associated with elite upper crust, the salad crowd, the ladies who lunch who don't really lunch. They put it on the spoon, but they don't actually swallow it. I know. It's what it says here: If you want smart kids, you marry a wide-bodied woman, I guess. (interruption) No, no. I'm talking about a real big butt. I'm not talking injection. I'm talking about natural. Yes, real big butts.