"It's clear what they were doing at the Grammys last night -- and the same at the Academy Awards. They make fun of the people in flyover country, which is the bulk of the audience. They laugh at them, or they purposely try to offend. They make fun of their own audience -- and they laugh all the way to the bank doing it."
"I might have a screw loose here on the microphone. Not me, the microphone."
"We have the State of the Union. I'm gonna call it the State of the Coup. I think that is what we need to call this. It's not the State of the Union. It's the State of the Coup."
"The media is not helping in our quest to reclaim our culture. The media's begging for cultural depravity to report on and be entertained by."
"The hatred of Republicans never goes away no matter what Republicans do. You couldn't get a bigger shout-out than what Obama got from Chris Christie -- you couldn't get a bigger assist in a presidential election than Chris Christie gave Obama. And what are they trying to do to Chris Christie? Take him out!"
"Obama will talk about hard work paying off for the American people. He doesn't mean it. It's just lip service because he knows that most Americans fervently still believe in that and want to believe that their president believes in it, even though he doesn't."
"So my idea to ensure equal beginnings for 20-somethings in the job market, is all teenagers will be required to get high on the drug of their choice. They will be required to play video games. They will be required to remain jobless during summer breaks. They will not be allowed to do internships at a company -- which are really nothing more than indoctrination camps, as are high school and college -- if we're gonna equalize things using the Democrat method."
"The Democrats thrive on polarization. That is what's so frustrating when we hear people like McCain or Christie -- or you pick your favorite Republican -- say, 'We need to work these people! We need to cross the aisle!' They don't want to work with you. They thrive on the polarization."
"Remember, now, that equal outcomes begin with equal preparation, and the Democrat way is to make sure that everybody starts at the same level, which is in the gutter."
"This the nation's most listened to radio talk show and also the most talked about. It's perhaps the most feared radio talk show and routinely held up as an obstacle to the president of the United States. I don't know what that might mean for this show down the road. I know a lot of people are worried about that. But I, ladies and gentlemen, am not."
"Undeniable Truth of Life No. 24, here it is. Kevin Harlan is complaining that it's the attractive 'bimbos' that get the gigs and that there are substantive but fat women -- that's what 'with a belly' means -- are not getting the gigs, and it's not fair. So we're back to inequality here, folks, again. Inequality."
"Partisanship in this country is translated as hatred of Republicans. That's what the partisanship is. Therefore, it's up to the Republicans to stop being hated."
"My idea to totally redo the White House Correspondents Dinner with awards for Biggest Fraud of the Year, Best Recovery From a Scandal, Best Lie for a Successful Purpose, Best Supporting Lie, Largest Secret Donor Contributions, Biggest Under-the-Table Payoff, Best Hoax Of The Year, Most Insincere Apology, if we did a show with awards like that, oh, can you imagine? And it would be real! That's how people look at politics. Instead this phony one-night get-together where people that hate each other's guts act like they all love each other and they're all on the same team, which actually may be more truthful than we know. "
"It's like I've always said, there is no controversy on this program because everybody listening to it agrees. So what controversy? They've always called me 'controversial.' I'm only 'controversial' to people that are threatened by me or (and it's much the same) who disagree with me."
"If Obama had fixed the roads, bridges and schools and if we didn't have 92 million people out of work, but instead the unemployment rate was a genuine 4.7% like it was with Bush, it wouldn't matter what I said. The only reason what I'm saying resonates is because it's true."