"Just so there's no misunderstanding here, I don't know Jimmy Fallon. I haven't met him. I wish him the best! That is a... It's a great gig, The Tonight Show. It's a big deal to them that they're moving it back to New York. I don't think the audience is gonna care. They just want a good show, and I hope it is."
"There's a bumper sticker. I saw it. 'Monica Lewinsky's Ex-Boyfriend's Wife for President.' That's the bumper sticker."
"Why do we have an Official Program Observer? Think of it as an official archivist, someone that is constantly observing the program so as to know everything that happened. Every major media enterprise that's worth its salt has at least one observer."
"Hillary will have a primary opponent. If they have to invent one, she will have a primary opponent, and the reason will be that a primary opponent bringing up other issues will take all this Lewinsky stuff off the table in the Democrat primary."
"Tom Steyer just promised to give the Democrat Party $100 million for the 2014 campaign if Obama, among other things, will continue disapproving of the Keystone pipeline. One hundred million dollars from a Democrat donor."
"Only two things that could save Richie Incognito right now. One is obviously declaring that he's got some questions about his sexual orientation. The second thing he could do would be to attack me. That seems to be the ultimate get-out-of-jail card for people like that. He could say that he'd been listening to me for a number of years, and that's where he got the idea of bullying. And you think he wouldn't get out of jail free if he did that? 'You know, I've been listening to Limbaugh regularly, and that's where I got the idea of bullying people.' (laughing) Snerdley's cringing, 'Don't give him the idea!'"
"You are worth what somebody will pay you, and that is up to you."
"There aren't any journalists anymore. They're just Democrats and they're assigned to various places."
"Henry Ford really is the guy that said sayonara to the horse and buggy, and then Bill de Blasio in New York finally dotted the T's and crossed the I's and wiped them out."
"Doug Elmendorf of the CBO is back, and claiming that if we do what Obama wants on the minimum wage it's gonna have a bad effect on unemployment. And of course the Regime is out saying Elmendorf doesn't know what he's talking about."
"If people start spending $8,000 less on gasoline, the states are gonna be raising your fuel taxes to make up for it. Nobody's gonna be saving any money if Obama's involved in anything."
"Obama has just arrived in Mexico for a summit with Mexican and Canadian leaders on trade and energy. Obama's gonna explain to 'em how the US needs more illegal immigration to boost our economy. Well, what else is he going to do?"
"Nobody's gonna be saving any money if Obama's involved."
"You could say that Henry Ford invented global warming because Henry Ford made it possible to mass produce the automobile, which is the number one killer of the climate. Right? According to the convoluted view of the left."